Blades

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Sit," orders Katy, pushing me into a chair and attacking my hair with curling tongs. I comply as the butterflies fill my stomach and try to breathe deeply.

The six weeks since our sight-seeing trip have been a blur, one constant whirlwind of on-ice training, off-ice training, Friday Breakfasts, Pride outings, homework on the bus to school, 4am starts, ballet, French vocabulary tests, gym sessions, telling my Mum I'm studying when I'm sleeping, new choreography, my new-found 'girl chats' with Katy, counselling Harry over getting nowhere with Sophie, avoiding Samuel Finlay and making an enormous effort to Not Kiss Sandy. I feel as though I haven't stopped to draw breath even once in the never-ending cycle of school, skating, friends, sleep. And yet there's a buzz to this newly jam-packed existence that I'm loving. I've never felt so engaged in every waking second of my life, and so valued by all of the people involved in it. I'm thriving and I can feel it.

Finally the cycle is reaching a crescendo, though: today is the Christmas gala at the rink. Although the dress-run yesterday was a shambles and nearly sent Sherrie to an early grave I'm confident in tonight's performance. I mean, dress-runs are always a shambles. I think I'd be more worried if it had gone smoothly.

Our dressing room is humming with adrenaline. All of the ice dance girls are in here to get into our matching sweetheart dresses for the opening number. Makeup litters the floor, hairspray clouds the air and excited chatter bubbles between everyone. Everywhere you look there are little production lines of girls doing each other's eyeliner or tying up the back of each other's dresses. Glitter and sequins and rhinestones glimmer on every surface.

Katy finishes curling my hair and gives it a good shot of industrial-strength hairspray before nudging me off and starting on the next person. I find myself in charge of preparing Maia, an eight year old in the Pride. It's only in the last two weeks that she decided to adopt me as her rink big sister, and far from being irritated I'm loving it. My face takes on a dry smile as I think how different this is to last year. Then I sat quietly in the corner sorting only myself out, separate from most of this. I'd thought I was protecting myself, but now I'm ashamed at how selfish I was being. Plus I can see how much I was missing out on. After all of that time denying myself a skating family I'm determined to make the most of it from now on.

I finish tying Maia's boots up just as Sherrie comes in.

"Everybody ready?" she asks, slightly tense from a mixture of nerves and excitement. "Come on, let me see you all." There's a moment's scramble as people put the finishing touches to their outfits. Then we stand in a big circle so that Sherrie can see all of us. Her practised eye scans each girl, checking for neat hair, smooth dresses and un-laddered tights. Her mouth forms into an approving smile as she finishes the round. "Perfect. You all look beautiful. This is it, girls: use this gala to really show your audience what you work for all year. And, most importantly, have fun. This isn't a competition so just enjoy your time out there, alright?" A collective chorus of agreement answers her.

"For the Pride!" Katy shouts above the rest of us, throwing her hand towards the centre of our circle. I look around at all the beaming faces as I throw in my own hand to calls of "Pride girls forever!" I try my best to imprint each one on my brain, to store the joy on each face. But I only have mere seconds to do it because then we're heading out to the ice.

We gather in the dark by the ice entrance as Gary (who is compering – badly) introduces the evening. I'm only aware that I've drifted towards Sandy when his hand finds my back.

"Ready?" he whispers, so quietly I can barely hear him. I bounce up and down on my blade guards as I nod.

"Yes," I reply, "but nervous. You?"