Dear Kat

Preface- 5th October 2010

Dear Kat,                                                                                    -5th October 2010

I've never believed in having a diary before, so I don't know how these things work. My councillor says writing things down helps. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But I guess I'm going to give it a go. I have a problem with keeping things going but I will try my best. My life isn't always the most exciting, but i would say it is eventful. From my parents divorce, there's always been something that is happening. 

Okay, so the thing is, I have no idea how to start this off, I have been sitting here for nearly half an hour now, thinking how to word this. But every time i do, I burst out in tears. Is this what it's like to mourn over someone? Will things ever change from being like this? To be honest, I highly doubt it. Lindsey was my world, I loved her like my sister. She never once irritated me, like some of my other friends do. She was perfect in every single way. I'd never thought the day would come that we'd be separated. When we first became friends, we'd made a blood pact that we'd always stay together, I actually still have the scar on my hand. I'm sure Lindsey would have too, before...never mind. I don't want to think about that. I hated the situation. I'd never told my mother, I'd kept in contact with Lindsey after we moved away from my childhood hometown, so I never got to go to her funeral. It still kills me. But I'll never speak a word to anyone other than my councillor. With the confidentiality, I'm confident she won't tell anyone. I'm talking like it was ages ago, but in fact, it only happened last month. So every things still really raw. I can tell the story word for word. 

The warm summer breeze blew my long, auburn hair over my shoulder. Slowly swaying as it fell between my shoulder blades in a tangled mess. The light shone off it, reflecting the golden orange tint it held.

I'd always wanted to dye it pink but my mother would never let me do that. Me and Lindsey planned to make it pink next summer. She'd go mad, but I had Lindsey so I didn't really care. I wanted to dye Lindsey's hair too, but she didn't trust me. There was nearly two years difference between me and her, so she obviously didn't want a year eight touching her hair. I've always said she would look so nice with brown hair, but maybe i was just jealous that she had naturally gorgeous blond hair. There was a lot to be jealous of when it came to Lindsey, she tanned, and I mean, her skin went brown. And she always wore the nicest clothes. Also, I always thought it was amazing that even though all her friends were charvers, she dressed in pink and wasn't afraid to be herself. I'm the opposite, I can't even look people in the eye. I'd always been shy, and I probleys always will be. Lindsey said I'd grow out of it, because a couple years ago she was the same, but I could never be as confident as her. 

The suns warm rays draping over my face as i squinted to keep sight of the road where I knew Lindsey would come from. She'd left me about ten minutes ago now to goto the dealers house. She'd never went to this dealer before as he'd just moved onto the main street but he'd offered us some the other day for a good price and it wasn't like we were going to say no.

I was sat waiting in our spot. It wasn't anything special, it was just a field of over grown grass. We came here because it was abandoned and easy to get to. We knew for a fact no police would come nosing around up here. No one else knew about this place apart from us. I'm sure it was part of private land, but we'd never gotten caught before.

"Tee" A voice from above me giggled, as i looked up, her face came into veiw. I groaned, embarrassed that I hadn't noticed her creeping up on me. "You'd be a really shit look out, do you know that?" She added before jumping down next to me. 

"Shut up" I snapped, looking away so she couldn't see my bright red face. I looked back, interested in the rustling noise she was making. I first noticed the blue bag in her lap, then noticed how much was inside it. "Jesus Christ Lola, how much did you get?" I snapped, looking at her with wide eyes.