To The Men That Built Me

Foreword

A fat and nappy headed black girl.

That's who I was.

My kind heart and intellect rarely got a chance to speak first because I was judged by my appearance.

I wasn't the girl that guys wanted. I was the girl that guys used.

To cheat off of, to get the party started, or to put them on to someone else.

Just another one of the cool homies.

Oh her? She's like a sister to me.

Then there's the personal favorite: She would be cute if she lost weight.

But I didn't. And I couldn't understand why they couldn't see me as pretty too.

Let's not even compare me to the girls I hung out with.

I found myself clinging to whoever gave me that "different" type of attention.

You know the type. Guys that prey on girls with low-self esteem.

And then there's the plain ole' unattractive guys that seemed to be the sweetest.

I settled just for the hell of having someone that called me at night.

I settled just for the hell of having someone to care about.

I settled just for the hell of settling.

I settled.

Placing my self-worth in the hands of whoever came my way.

I needed to be loved by anyone who thought I was worth loving.

Piece by piece tearing me down.

And one day, after twenty odd years of life I decided to love me.

I decided that I was worth loving.

I decided that I was worth more than the no-good men and redundant bullshit that I settled for.

I decided that I am enough just as I am.

I decided.

She would be cute if she lost weight?

Honey, please. I'm pretty period!

My past has molded me into who I am.

Every stick and stone has laid an indestructible foundation.

Beautiful. Resilient. Confident. Intelligent.

That's who I am.

The skin I'm in and the life I live; I am proud of that.

It took me long enough to love myself, I can't be worried if anyone else will too.

I find a reassuring comfort and joy in not just knowing but believing that what's for me, will not pass me.

What lies before you is a collection of poems that I have written over the years. I hope that as you read that if you relate you find encouragement, strength and inspiration in seeing a Queen journey to her throne.

Note to my old flames: No, they aren't in chronological order-but should you notice that you hurt me enough to make it into this book...enjoy your fifteen seconds of fame. And may you know that despite what occurred, I am truly grateful for our time together. You were a lesson that I needed. I pray that life has been kind. Above all, I pray that you have true and genuine love.

With Love. Enjoy.