black and white | poetry

| change |

Some days, I kinda wish I didn't exist.
I don't really know why, I insist.

I don't know why I feel this way.
But sometimes I just really don't want to stay.

I want to leave my responsibilities behind.
I wish I didn't have to always be so kind.

I want these thoughts to stop corrupting me.
They're poisonous, it's plain to see.

I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die.
I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know why.

I'm sure this all sounds very confusing.
Trust me, I agree. It's really time consuming.

I have many conflicting thoughts about it as I lay in bed.
Maybe it's my imagination? Or a chemical imbalance in my head?

There are other days where I want to curl up and cry.
But never once have I wanted to die.

I realize there are people who would miss me immensely.
Despite my insecurities, I want to stay with them endlessly.

They'll always be supportive, they'll always care.
I know one hundred percent that they'll always me there.

So here's a big thank you, for saving my life.
You make me think it's stupid to pick up the knife.

Despite my insecurities and stupid, stupid thoughts,
I know I won't always be stuck in this box.

Life as a whole is always kinda strange,
But the only thing that stays the same is that things will always change.