The secret life of a fan

2.

It was hours before I saw him again. I longed to be in his presence for so long I thought I was going insane.

But then again, fans can't go insane.

He entered the room with a smile on his beautiful face and shook his head, his smile only growing bigger.

I wondered who he was thinking about. Obviously not me. Or could it be?

He sat down with his head in his hands, sitting on his bed and taking deep breaths. At least that's what it looked like to me, looking down from the roof on him. I noticed every single detail, from his sweeping dark brown hair to the way his lips were always dehydrated.

That's why I realized that something about him was different today. His hair was ruffled, unkept and his lips swollen. I came to the conclusion that he was sick. He coughed into his black shirt sleeve. I wished I could take care of him.

He then pulled out Tyler Oakley's Binge and turned me on. The spinning began again, but then came to an abrupt stop.

I was stuck. He looked up towards me with the most concerned look, and hurried out of the room. If I had a heart it would have melted. I could feel electricity running through me, telling me to get moving but I just couldn't move. I was paralyzed by love.

"Phil, where's the step ladder."

"What?"

"I said, where's the step ladder?"

"In the closet."

Dan didn't reply, but I heard his footsteps muffled by the wooly socks he was wearing along with the carpet throughout his apartment.

He entered the room, went into the closet on the right side of the room and then came out of the closet with a black stepladder.

He set it up underneath me and climbed up. His face was so close to my light, and he put his hand on me. It was warm, and I was cold. I would always be cold and lifeless, but this warmth and human connection made me feel like I was alive. His eyes were stuck to me, and he bit his lip in concentration.

He coughed into his sleeve and climbed back down the step ladder, and the feeling of his breaths on me became more and more distant before all feeling disappeared slowly, then all at once.

I was fixed.

I started spinning again, and I felt giddy but empty at the same time. I longed to be near Dan. I was obsessed with him.

I saw blurred images of him, everything was choppy. Phil entered the room, they went up to each other and everything was a jumble of colours from there.

Luckily I make a lot of noise, so whenever they filmed they had to turn me off.

I loved watching them make videos. They sat next to each other on the bed and started chattering about what they were going to do.

I hated how close Phil was sitting to Dan, but Dan did not seem to mind.

Later, when they had finished filming they were a giggling mess. They ran out of the room and went into Phil's, slamming the door behind them. I felt even more empty now, and I knew I probably wasn't going to see them again until nightfall.

My life was meaningless without him.