The Complexities of Mr Howell

Chapter 2 - Dan's p.o.v.

I couldn't look away. I could feel my chest being crushed by guilt. I just wanted her to forgive me for what I had done, all those years ago.

"Ummm, hi?" She spoke. I couldn't believe it, it was her. Her voice was still beautiful, she was still beautiful. She moved closer, passing by me to converse with Phil. It was as if she didn't know. I felt my heart do a somersault.

I sort of zoned out, reminiscing on what I did, how I felt, how I still feel. "I know," I snapped out of my trance, my senses temporarily leaving me, "Mr Howell."

She beamed up at me. She remembers, she's forgiven me. I felt a wide smile spread across my face as an enormous weight lifted from my shoulders. I was half expecting her to wrap her arms around me and hold me tight, just like she used to. I thought that maybe it can be like old times, I just can't mess it up this time--

"Yeah, you two are YouTubers... It's great to meet you both"
My hope left me as quickly as it had came. No. It all came back overwhelming me, what I did, how I feel.

I watched as Phil moved closer to her, they had only met and were already tight. It used to be me. We used to be that close. How does she not remember?

Every second that passed was like a dagger in my heart. She began to leave, each dagger plunging deeper and twisting. The pain was unbearable. My mind was arguing with itself, I desperately wanted her to remember, for it to be like old times while wanting to make a new impression and make it up to her for all the years we could have had.

It hit me, like a bullet to finish me off. I temporarily slipped back into my trance-like state, watching their platonic chemistry. She smiled and left.

The walk to the house was excruciating, my heart bled out but I didn't say a word, I couldn't.

"Wow, just wow... She was just wow" I heard Phil gasp. I know How could I have let her go? How can she not remember?
Maybe it's better if she doesn't.
Maybe she can forgive me.

These thought circulated through my head the whole walk home...