Sincerely Bax

2nd and 3rd Letters

Dear Maddie, 

It's been so long since I've talked to you and I feel awful for it. I want to explain everything I did. Believe it or not there are a few things you may not know. Maybe it will shed some light, maybe it will bring only more confusion. It is your choice, but I want to tell you. I want to tell you the story of us from my point of view. I apologize if any of these letters makes you feel guilty. It isn't my intention. I promise. I hope you read and listen to my words. I hope you will understand what I did and why I did it. But most of all, I hope you learn that I never ever meant to hurt you. 

Sincerely,

Bax

I can't stop reading. 

Everything is falling apart. Bax, what are you trying to say? We haven't talked in months. You died less than a week ago. 

Why are you trying to talk to me now? Why do you think it will change what I think about you? I don't feel the way I used to about you and there is nothing that you could say that could change that.

But then. There are the letters. They ask me to read, to understand, to learn what he meant by what he did. Should I believe him? 

I never felt so shaken. I close my eyes, breathe, breathe. 

Inhale and exhale. Repeat. I open the journal again. Here goes. 

Dear Maddie, 

It all started at the end of fifth grade. I was alone again, nothing to fill me for the summer. I chose not to follow the normal summer tradition of loving summer; going to the beach and running in the crimson sun. It just wasn't for me. 

It was the summer I chose to date a girl. Let's name her Jamie. She was my first girlfriend. I was her first boyfriend. She was nice and kind but a bit of a nerd. Afterall we were in fifth grade, we didn't know better. We knew that we were kids and I knew that she asked me out on a dare. 

Jamie was this cute little thing. She loved basketball, she played it everyday. She wasn't very good but she loved it anyway. I loved the fact that she acted so much tougher than she actually was. She said once that she liked me because she liked my spunk. It wasn't because of my looks, which aren't that great anyway. It wasn't because I was smart or anything but that I could let loose and have fun. 

I could have fun. 

That's why she loved me.

I suppose it was very attractive. 

She broke up with me on one of our official dates. We hung out and things but never a official date. What made it worse was that it was the first official date. "Just friends," she said, "I want to just be friends." 

I didn't even love Jamie but it still crushed me. After she left, I didn't know what to do but I moved on. I just started to not care. It was the foundation of the wall I started to build. It was the beginning of the wall of "I don't care" 

I didn't think it would get so big. 

Sincerely, 

Bax. 

Bax barely ever talked about Jamie, but I remember her in the slightest. She sounded nice. She sounded like a good person. I never knew she hurt him so much. I didn't think she mattered that much, since  I never met her. 

Seems like she did her damage. Seems like she wasn't everything that Bax said she was. 

And the wall...what is he talking about? His emotional wall? 

Does that even exist?