Nobody Knows...

Its Like Talking to a Stranger

Anger, joy, and curiosity built up inside me. Questions ran through my head like a bullet. Why did it take him so long to call me? Does he even remember what I look like? "Valerie, are you there?" his voice interrupted my train of thought "uh... yes dad, sorry" I couldn't think of anything else to say, ugh I'm so stupid. I should have more to say, usually I would be blabbing on about school, sports, movies and anything that comes to mind. I fell like I don't even know him anymore. "you ok princess? You're not sounding like yourself." that's a good question, was I ok? I cant answer a question I don't know the answer to. " Yea I'm fine, so whats up?" trying to act like my 'usual' self, or whatever that means. Its been over four years since Ive seen or heard from him. Time changes people, he should try to catch up. "Nothing really, I'm just going to see if i can come down to see you guys some time, I miss you all." my heart started to race, not because I was excited, but because I was scared. "Really?! That's great! What day will you come?" I sounded a little to excited for my taste. I'm so confused, my mind is saying one thing and my lips are speaking another. "I'm not sure yet, do you think your mom would be ok with it?" Finally, one question I can answer. She doesn't agree with his decisions, but one thing she always says is ' I will never stop you from seeing your dad' so that apparently means yes. "Yea shes fine with it, she wants us to see you." "Alright princess, see you soon. I love you." does he really love me? If he did why isn't he here? "love you too dad."

 My words were hollow, do I really love him? Something about him changed and I don't really understand why I'm feeling this way all of a sudden. Maybe because its been so long. Ive had five years to think about it and now its catching up to me. This is to much, I shouldn't stress about it though. We don't want a repeat of last year, I randomly broke down on the highway during a storm. I know, the classic sad girl crying in the rain, but i was so stressed I could barely eat for weeks. On top of that my dad was too "busy" to answer my calls so I gave up. I guess that's when I started having doubts about him lying to me. Maybe he lied about mom too. Maybe she is trying her best and I'm just taking her for granted. I fell terrible, I should feel better in the morning. Things will come together then.

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* the sound of my alarm suddenly wakes me up. Quickly hitting snooze, I check the time. "Shit! Its 7:53. I'm going o be late, again." Springing out of bed, I run to my dresser and shove my books in my black flimsy Jansport bag. Its so warn out I'm surprised it hasn't broke into pieces yet. Falling during my failed attempt to run and shove last years favorite skinny jeans on my slightly larger legs. "Ugh, I could have sworn this fit yesterday".  Almost tripping down the stairs to the kitchen, I spot Mike and Nick standing over their well cooked breakfast. "What time did you guys wake up?" I asked trying to control my anger " 5:30" Mike said " 6:00" Nick said shortly after "And none of you bothered to wake me up?!" completely oblivious to Mike's early bird attitude, curiosity filled me, but was swiftly washed away by anger. "I thought you were going to wake yourself up, but I just looked at the time and was about to see where you were." Nick quickly answered " Yea right, I bet you wanted all the good bacon for yourselves. Anyway Mike why did you get up so early?" His eyes widened, unaware of is sudden change in behaviour "I... I just had stuff to do before school. Its nothing." He said in his failed attempt to be casual. Mike is easy to read, kinda like a detailed book. Maybe he had gotten a call from dad too. " Can you come here for a minute, We need to talk." He was unsure and nervous, I could tell because of his finger tapping. It was an odd habit he had as a child and still hasn't out grown. As if he doesn't trust me. " There is nothing going on, if that's the reason you called me to the side." He said with an edgy attitude " Will you chill for a minute! This is serious. Did you get a special call last night?" I said with a little left over anger from before. " Yea, dad. He said he wanted to come and see us." He sounded upset, but his face remained unchanged. " Alright. I was just checking. Anymore standing around we will be late." I didn't want to continue the awkward conversation any longer. " No worries, mom is taking us to school. She has a parent teacher meeting with our principle and teachers." I can probably see why both of them woke up on time and the sudden thickness in the air around them. I have nothing to worry about, but those two on the other hand have a lot of explaining to do.