Troyler Oneshots

I Miss You.

\\ This was based of a short film called I miss you. I'll link it above cause it's insanely good and I'm just in love with the words. //

To-Troye.

Hey.

I know we haven't seen each other, or even talk to each other in a while. You are living your dreams and I'm so proud of you Troye. And I know this is so late...But I want you to know that I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I want you to know that I miss you.

Not that I regret what happened or that I want to see you again. Because we both know how bad that would hurt. I'd spend most of our time together probably crying and you would spend it feeling bad about the way we ended it.

All I wanna say is I just... I miss you

Just... I miss you

It's so strange to think someone I knew so well is now a total stranger to me. It's exactly how it was before we met in person. I knew you were going to change the world and I was right. Now I'm just left watching it over screen. This wasn't part of our plan. Everything we planned together has obliterated and now I'm just a boy trying to kid myself that I got my shit together. Everything is a mess now that you are gone.

Sometimes I go entire days without thinking about you. I spend my time trying to distract my pain by filling it with meetings and interviews. But then I see it on the Internet and I'm reminded of our time together. So I left the Internet for a month. Sure it was a nice opportunity to travel the world, but I knew that maybe if I left, I wouldn't think about you. I did though. After the long day of competing and I finally got to rest, I'd lay in bed picturing you next to me. Because we were supposed to travel the world together, and instead you are traveling with someone else.

Most of the time I let myself forget because it's easier. I don't want to remember how good your hand felt in mine. How right it felt to have my arms wrapped around you. Almost like I was trying to hide you from all the dangers this world brought. And I guess that's where I went wrong.

Then I find something. A photo of us smiling like two dorks. I was so happy. And you were too. A gift that one of us gave to each other even when it wasn't a holiday or a birthday. We just like giving gifts. Sometimes it was romantic, other times it was just a Subway sandwich. The stupid love letters we used to give each other-They meant absolutely nothing but meant everything at the same time.

And the full weight of what's been lost crashes down on me. That feeling of heartbreak comes again and I spend my night screaming your name in my pillow. Watching the pillow you used to sleep on fill with my tears.

A Part of me wants to see you again.

To hold you again like we did all those nights. Just hours on end of cuddling and whispering sweet nothings in your ear to make you blush or feel better.

To touch you again like the way we'd hold hands when we were alone and I'd ghost my fingers down your arm because you loved it so much.

To kiss you again like we did when nobody was watching. Especially our fans and honestly we hid it so well but not at all at the same time. I melted from your touch when our lips would unite and I'd feel the sparks and butterflies. Whatever you called them.. I felt it.

But all those feelings become empty thoughts. How can I spend my life just looking back on memories that only I care about. Spending my time re-watching our collabs and seeing us fall in love all over again.

When I look back now, remembering that love isn't always what it seems...It's just so easy to forget and I wonder why I can't for longer than a day at most. You are constantly running through my mind.

But this isn't regret.

We had our reasons for ending it and they are as valid as ever. Distance became too much that I couldn't sit with the thought of taking your youth. Your youth is so precious and I couldn't live with myself knowing I had taken it from you. Even though you begged me to.

But back at the start we didn't need any reasons to fall in love, we just did. I fell in love with the way you'd smile. With just your lips but when you saw I was looking, you would smile with your teeth. I loved that when we were going to take a selfie you would give the happiest smile that I fell in love with.

I love the way you got so jealous. Your nickname was so meaningful to us and it would drive you crazy when anyone would call me it. Truthfully I would be upset too. I didn't like when anyone called me Tilly except you.

I fell in love with the way you'd sing to me. From slow Love songs to rap battles that you and I competed in. My favorite was when you would write music and sing me your ideas. Watching each songs process. Your voice is my favorite sound next to your laugh. I crave to see your head throwback in complete laughter. It made the butterflies in my stomach give birth to 1000 more. We didn't need reasons at first.

The reasons came at the end. And everything since then has been about reasons. You told me you were ready to settle down and I believed you. You wanted forever with me but like you said, we are too young for forever. I shouldn't have fallen so hard. I am the older one and should have known you weren't ready. You were 18 when we fell in love. You might've aged in numbers but you are still too young. You deserve to make mistakes and fall in love several times. And I should just move on.

And that's good. It means one day, I'll find someone who I won't have to say goodbye to.

But a part of me just misses loving someone and having them love you back. If everything else disappears in your mind, and all the memories seem to fade... I want you to know that I loved you. I need you to know that I loved you.

That's all.

I guess what I'm saying is , I hope things are good with you.

I hope everything is great with your tour. I'm so glad that you got over your stage fright. It warms my heart to see so many people listening to you in person just like I got too. You're playing your songs to an audience that worships you just like I continue to. I support you.

I hope everything is great with your family. I hope you see them often. I know how much they mean to you and it's important that you take time to be with them. If that means canceling the show, so be it. You need them and your happiness comes first. Always remember that.

I hope you have found the love that's all the things ours couldn't be. I hope that he's closer to you. I hope that he's able to see you so much more than I could. Make sure he reminds you how amazing you are. Make sure he supports you in everything you do. Make sure you're happy. Happier than I could ever make you.

But just a small part of me hopes, you still remember what it was like before all the reasons and that you miss me too.

From-Tilly

Also a quick thing. There is a Troyler video based on this short film. It's incredible and I cry every time. The YouTube channel is called ohjaspar <- take a look and expect to cry.