"Here you go, i'll talk to you later, bye." he gave me a hug and a quick peck and walked off down the street, just like every other day.
"Love you too" I mumbled sarcastically, not loud enough for him to hear though.
I looked down at the small bear in my arms and sighed. Carter Daniels was my first love. We'd been dating for almost a year now. I knew I was in love with him around the fourth or fifth month, and although i've told him I loved him many many times, he's never once said it back. Not even when I first confessed. Instead, every day after that, he'd walk me home after school, hand me a teddy bear, say goodbye and walk away. It was like a daily routine that was never really agreed on. I had so many of those teddy bears in my room I couldn't count how many there were exactly. I've tried asking why he does it, but I never get a real answer. Instead, he just dodges the question, and changes the subject.
I walked up to my front door, and opened it softly, making sure it didn't creek. My dad hated it whenever I went out without telling him, and tonight I wasn't really in the mood for a fight. Carter and I had our one year anniversary in less than a week, and i'm pretty sure he forgot. He hasn't mentioned it once. Luckily, I managed to make it up to my room without waking my father.
I flopped onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling. What if he did forget? What if he simply doesn't care? So many questions swirled around in my head, and I had no way to answer them. I couldn't ask because I knew he wouldn't answer. He almost never answered any of my questions when it came to our so called, "relationship."
"What do I do mom?" I whispered, a small part of me hoping she could hear me.
You see, my mother died two years ago from cancer. The first five or six months were hell for me. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. My grades dropped immensely. Basically, I slowly slipped into depression. But then I met Carter. He changed all of that. Somehow, he managed to knock down the walls i'd built to protect myself, and worm his way into my heart. Yes, it still hurt to think about her. Yes, that stabbing pain in my chest was still there, but I got used to it. I realized holding onto her would just cause me more hurt and it didn't actually help me at all. So eventually, I let her go. Now that doesn't mean I forgot about her. That's the last thing I could do. She was my role model, my hero. I loved her more than anything, but she's gone, and there's nothing I could do to bring her back.
My eyes brimmed with tears at the thought of her, but instead of holding them in like I'd been doing for months, I let them fall. I sat there until sunrise, crying. Crying because my mother was gone. Crying because my family had fallen apart. And especially, crying because the boy I loved, didn't feel the same way.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The days went by and still nothing changed. Carter and I hung out at school and after school as well, but instead of acting like one of those mushy, adorable couples, we were the playful, best friend type, and yes sometimes it did get a bit awkward, but we managed to make it work. I loved that we got along so well. Lots of people would say, or rather think, we had the perfect relationship, but we didn't. There was one small detail I oh so badly wanted to change. I wanted him to tell me he loved me, just like I loved him, but I knew with the ways things were going that wouldn't be happening anytime soon.
So that's why I ended up at Carter's doorstep that same Friday. Exactly a day before our anniversary.
I knocked on the door a few times and stood there numbly waiting for someone to open. I felt a cool breeze blow past me and goosebumps rose on my arms. It was getting pretty chilly already, and in my jeans and tank top I was basically completely exposed to the increasing cold. Finally, the door opened slowly. There standing before me was Carter. Only he didn't look like himself. He looked drowned out, tired. He had bags under his eyes and his cheeks were tinged with pink. His hair was a ruffled mess, plus his nose was bright red, almost like Rudolph. There was only one reason he would look like this. He was sick. Now although that may not seem to be such a big deal to any regular person, the deal was, Carter wasn't regular. He had asthma, plus he rarely ever got sick. Which meant when he had the dis-fortune of getting sick, it was usually serious and caused problems with his lungs. Like if he got the flu, it could easily turn into bronchitis. To put it in few words, I was worried sick.
