Secrets

Can't live without you

  A/N:TRIGGER WARNING this contains suicide, self-harm and depression. You have been warned!
I literally had this idea right after I woke up, this didn't come from role-play since... You'll see why after you read it...

~Text's between Iwaizumi and Oikawa~

Iwaizumi: Do you ever feel like you just want to dissappear?

Oikawa: Just that one time... Why?

Iwaizumi: No reason, I was just wondering what would happen if I died right now, if anyone would notice you know?

Oikawa: Iwa-chan what the hell are you talking about?

--- 5 minutes later no reply---

Oikawa: Iwa-chan? Hey!

----30 minutes later no reply---

Oikawa sighed. "What the hell is he doing...I'm should check up on him, he never takes more than 2 minutes to reply to me and after all that--Oh no fuck fuck fuck!" Oikawa ran out of his room and quickly put on his shoes, running out the door.

"What the fuck is he thinking? Is he stupid? I swear if he did what I think he did..."

The brunette finally arrived at his friend's house, opening the door with the spare key that was hidden under a fake rock.

"Iwa-chan? Iwa-chan where are you?!" Oikawa ran throughout the house searching for the boy, his worry pilling up each time he walked in a room to see that no one was inside.

"Hey! Iwa-chan I'm serious where are yo-"

Oikawa fell to his knees on the bathroom floor, bringing both hands to his mouth, tears clouding his vision. His heart sunk at the sight of his best friend on the floor, the boy wasn't moving, he didn't even flinch, there was blood covering the floor around him, coming from Iwaizumi's wrists, a bottle of painkillers next to the lifeless body.

"You idiot what were you thinking?!" His voice cracked, the boy turned the body over to check if there was the least bit of a pulse left, anything to tell him his friend could still be saved. Nothing. There was no pulse, the boy was limp.

"You look so peaceful... Why did you do it?! Was it not obvious that I would be crushed if you died?! You could've told me what was going on and I could've helped! You know I've through this kind of shit, I would've understood!...I need you here...You were the one that made me forget. Even if you would be kind of mean to me... You helped me, you know? Why did you have to be an idiot and do it?! You told me not to do it years ago because it wasn't right, because it would hurt everyone around me, because it would hurt you. So why did you not follow what you said?! Why did you have to go...?" Oikawa hugged Iwaizumi tightly. "Why did you have to do it...?"

Oikawa sat Iwaizumi on the sink leaning back against the mirror.

"I can't stand seeing you like this, I'm going to fix you, even if it's too late...I don't want anyone to see you like this. I want people to look at you and see the amazing person you were and be proud they knew you, not someone they think is weak and look at you with pity.." Oikawa turned around to grab the first aid kit, to get bandages. He noticed a paper next to the box and picked it up, it was a note.

Hi Tooru, I don't know why I am writing this, because I really hope that this letter never gets to you, because if it does that means I am dead. It also means I never had time to show you just how much I really did love you.
You have shown me what friendship is and how it feels to always have someone by your side. Every time you hugged me, I could feel it. I could feel it when our hearts get so close they are beating as one. I was happy.
You are the person I know I could turn to when I needed help - you are the person I looked at when I needed to smile and you are the person I went to when I needed a hug. When I am away, it is like I have left my soul at your side.
You have shown me how to live and you have shown me how to be truly happy. I want you to know that every time I smile, you have put it there. You make me smile when others can't, you make me feel warm when I am cold.
You have shown me so much love and so much more. I want you to know how much you mean to me. You are my whole world and I love you with all my heart. You are my happiness.
Oikawa Tooru, I want to say something and I mean this more than I ever did before. You were the love of my life, the boy of my dreams, I regret not telling you how I felt, for that I am sorry, I've always loved you, every since we were kids, I didn't know how to tell you so... I  didn't. Just because I have passed away does not mean I am not with you. I'll always be there looking over you, keeping you safe.

So whenever you feel lonely, just close your eyes and I'll be there, right by your side.

Love always and for ever, Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa gripped the paper with both of his hands, tears streaming down his face.

"Why didn't you tell me?! You're so reckless..." Oikawa bandaged Iwaizumi's wrists and cleaned the bathroom.

The boy then called his friend's parents that came back home on the next flight possible, condolences were exchange and the funeral was planned for the next day.

After the funeral, Oikawa spent days cooped up in his bedroom, the tears wouldn't stop no matter how hard he tried. He had his razors out, something that hadn't happened in a really long time.

"Just one..." Oikawa brought a shaking hand to the top of the box. "N-no. Don't be an idiot. Iwa-chan wouldn't want that..." he mumbled, retreating his hand from the box, getting up and throwing it the trash outside.

"I have to keep going...for the both of us." Iwaizumi took a deep breath and leaned back against the head board, closing his and recalling of the memories he had with his best friend, the good and the bad ones.

"You idiot why did you have to leave me?!" Oikawa hugged his pillow tight and sighed, resting his head on top of it. "I loved you so much...why did you have to go...?" his voice cracked as the tears kept streaming down his face.

A/N: I'm gonna go cry in a corner now, because I'm a hot mess after writing this. My desk is fucking wet, whiskey lullaby is playing, I'm so fucking done! I hope you enjoyed the story. I just had to get it out of my chest so I'm sorry if it isn't that good.

~Yolanda Suzuya