Learning To Live

Chapter 1

"Why would you do this to me?" I heard my father's voice. Although, it wasn't his voice. It was more broken, more little than his usual loud voice that turns the head of everyone in the room.

"I don't love you anymore," my mother said. The venom in her words was clear.

I saw my dad flinch. It broke my heart seeing him in that much pain. A seven year old kid shouldn't have to watch this.

"Fiona! What are you doing?!" my mom screeched at me. I let out a little yelp and ran up to my room, almost tripping over the stairs. I closed my door and hid in my bed under the blankets, clutching my stuffed elephant my dad got me.

I heard shouting downstairs and the sound of glass breaking. I started to cry.

A little while later my dad came in my room, eyes puffy and lips set in a grim line.

"What's wrong, daddy?" I whispered.

My dad looked at me. He stared at me for a long time. He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

"Um," he stuttered. "Mommy left. And I don't think she's coming back."

I felt my heart start thumping harder and faster in my chest. I clamped my hand over my mouth to stop the sob that threatened to erupt. The tears fell down my cheeks silently.

My dad pulled me to him and hugged me close.

"It's alright sweetheart. I love you. It's gonna be okay. We'll do fine just ourselves," he mumbled.

I woke up crying and covered in my own sweat.

10 years later and I still can't get over the memory of my mother leaving me.

My father didn't tell me the reason she left right away. He always said he would tell me when I was older or when I was ready. His words, not mine. I constantly begged him to tell me. Eventually he just got sick of me pestering him and told me.

My mother cheated on my father with some guy named Damian. She "fell in love" with him and left my dad and I for him. I think she just liked the sex.

Thats one of the only things my mother and I have in common. Liking sex.

I know it's kind of slutty, but I like having casual sex. I sleep with guys that I have no intention of dating or being with, regardless of how they feel about me.

But Fiona, why would you do this? Don't you have respect for yourself?

Yes, I have respect for myself. It's the guys I don't have respect for.

Sophomore year, my boy friend at the time, Jack, slept with my best friend. I was hopelessly in love with him and he treated me like shit.

When I found our what he did, I was heartbroken. I immediately broke up with him and cut ties with Kat. I locked myself in my room for a week, crying and eating my feelings. It was pathetic. My dad was really supportive through the whole thing, bringing me food when I ran out and renting movies I wanted. He's my best friend.

After what happened with Jack and Kat, I haven't had another boyfriend. Just boy toys that I sleep with and leave. And no, before you ask, I don't have any stds.

After waking up from my memory nightmare, I went downstairs and made some coffee. What can I say, it's a guilty pleasure. I love my coffee.

I poured myself a cup and added sugar and creamer. Sometimes I liked my coffee black, sometimes I liked it sweet. I went into the living room and watched reruns of friends until I fell asleep again.