Playing for Keeps (a PIL fanfic)

Chapter 16

(Nathan's POV)

Quiet. Too quiet. I'm preparing breakfast for the crew, alone. Before she came, crashing her way into our lives, I was used to a quiet kitchen. Hell, at one point I even preferred it. Once she pushed her way into my kitchen though, it was never the same, and I found myself liking the noise, to the point where silence, the silence is deafening.

I remember the way she pushed her way into my kitchen. When I told her to get out, she told me no, and then had the guts to call me some girly nickname. No one on the crew before her, had even dared to touch anything in my kitchen without my permission, let alone have the guts to call me something girly like princess. I hated when she called me that at first, with that smart ass smirk on her face. Now? I'd do anything to hear her call me that. It's been two days since she passed out in my arms. Two fucking days, and she hasn't woken up yet.

Christopher told me she's lucky to be alive, and that she's stable, but her body needs to heal, so it might be a good few days before she wakes up. Her hearts beating softly, and she's breathing, but she isn't awake yet. She has to recover from the blood loss, she lost too much. Too much, that there's a chance she might not wake up, it could go either way.

I shake my head from my thoughts, and start taking the food out to the crew. I've only left her side to make meals, I can't bear to leave her alone longer than that. Hell I even sleep on a chair by her at night, because I can't bring myself to sleep in the bed, the one I'm used to sharing with her. I already know it would feel too empty without her next to me. Hell the kitchen feels empty without her chattering away, cooking next to me.

I finish taking out the food, and start to make my way to the door, to go back to the infirmary, but suddenly Christopher and Russell block my path. What the hell?

"You need to take better care of yourself Nate." Russell says quietly, meeting my gaze.

"You're gonna make yourself sick Nate, you need to eat more, and get proper night's sleep. I know you're worried, hell we all are, but you need to take care of yourself." Christopher says, trying to lead me back to the table.

I sigh, knowing he's right, but I just really don't feel like eating. "Not hungry." I mutter, trying to leave the room. Russell stands in my way once more, glaring at me.

"Ya know she would want ya to take better care of yourself. You also know she would get pissed if she knew it was because you were too worried about her." Russell says, still glaring at me.

"Alright. Alright, shit I'll eat a plate." I mumble, finally giving in, and grabbing a small plate, sitting at the table. I know they are both right, and she would be pissed. Hell I could almost hear her now. But I can't hear her, not for real, because she got shot, in my place, I think bitterly. I slam my fist on the table at the thought, it should have been me. Everyone jumps in surprise, and I can feel they are all staring at me.

I look up and meet there gazes. "Dammit! It should be me in there with a hole in my fucking side, not her." I say bitterly, finally voicing what I'd been holding in for two days.

They all look shocked at my admission. "She wouldn't blame you, and you know it." Russell adds, and I can see the pity in his eyes. I hate it, not wanting anyone's pity.

"He's right, Miss Arabella wouldn't blame you. She has always tried to help people no matter what, that's just how she is." Thomas chimes in, shyly.

"That is just how she is. She always tried to save everyone or help. She considered us her family, and you most of all Nate. Hell, she saved Thomas after only being here a day, when she barely knew us. That's just how she is." Christopher adds, just further confirming what everyone else said.