I Am a Soldier?

You've Got This, Kepner

It had been four days since she took the home pregnancy test and she still hadn't told Jackson. Now that she knew she was pregnant, she felt even more awkward around him. Lucky for her, he hadn't noticed. They had worked different hours the past few days. Tonight was the first night they were off together and the most logical time to share her news.

Get yourself together April, she told herself. Stop being a coward.

As was her habit, she had made a list. The beginning of her list started with normal ways to tell a man you're pregnant.

1. I am pregnant.

2. So, we need to talk. It looks like I'm going to have a baby and it's yours.

3. I know this is really bad timing with your new job and everything, but...I'm pregnant.

In the middle of writing her list, she had run to the bathroom to throw up. When she came back, exhaustion and anger combined to produce the following semi-malicious statements.

4. Remember that time when we had sex and you didn't use any form of protection? This might come as a shock to you, but I'm pregnant.

5. Just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for knocking me up. Thanks for making me puke all the time. Thanks for introducing me to my new friend the toilet. We're probably going to be BFFs for the next couple of months. Also, totally looking forward to pushing 8 lbs of baby out my hoo-ha 7 months from now.

6. Boys are stupid. You are stupid. I don't like you and I wish you were never born. Why did you make me pregnant jackass?

Quickly jotting down some of her nastier thoughts had made her feel a little better. Her final suggestion was more of a pep talk.

7. I am pregnant. (Just say it. Say the words. He has a right to know. Just say I am pregnant. Tell him. Say it. You can do it. YOU CAN DO IT!)

Deep down, she knew the reason why she was dragging her feet. She was afraid. If he wanted to be a part of their child's life, he would have to give up Tulane. She didn't want to be the one responsible for dashing his hopes and keeping him from his dreams. But if he decided to go to Tulane anyway and skip out on being a dad? Well, she didn't want to think about that. Neither scenario in her head ended happily.

She realized she couldn't let fear continue to control her. No matter how Jackson responded, good or bad, she could do this. Hunt had told her she was a soldier. OK, maybe she didn't fully believe that, but she knew she could get to that level of confidence eventually. Her child would need someone to rely on. She needed to start being brave now so that it would be like second nature to her when her child was born.

After washing her face and brushing her teeth, she looked herself dead in the eye and said, "You've got this Kepner."

Leaving the bathroom, she went straight to Jackson's room and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Jackson called.

"Hey, Jackson. Do you have a sec? I need to talk to you about something."

April stepped into Jackson's room and shut the door. She found Jackson leaning against his headboard, working on his computer. Trying to work up the courage to discuss their impending future, she decided to make small talk first.

"Are you busy with something?" asked April.

"Not really. I'm just trying to find suitable places to rent in New Orleans," Jackson replied.

"Find anything?"

"Yeah, there are a couple of places close to the hospital. Come over here and tell me what you think of them." Jackson patted the empty space next to him.

April sat down on the bed. Jackson scooted closer to her and clicked through the different places he was considering.

"Which one do you think I should rent?" Jackson asked.

"Umm, I don't know. They all look nice." April frowned thinking how short lived his excitement would be once she told him her news.

Jackson, misinterpreting her frown, murmured, "Hey, you know I'm going to miss you, right? It won't be the same without you around." Jackson set down the laptop and looked into her eyes. How was she supposed to think when she looked into those eyes? She could spend hours trying to figure out if they were blue or green.

She felt the brush of Jackson's lips against her own. He deepened the kiss as he pressed her back onto the pillows.

"Jackson," she sighed.

"Nothing has to happen. I just want to kiss you for a little while," he said as he leaned back down to kiss her.

April abruptly sat up, pushing Jackson backwards.

"No, this wasn't the reason I came to see you."

"It wasn't?" Jackson smirked, obviously thinking she was wanting to rekindle the passion they'd found during their boards.

"Pregnant," she finally gasped. "I...I...I'm pregnant. About 8 weeks. I didn't know for a while. Then, I started throwing up in the mornings, but it never went away. Then, I realized I hadn't had my period in a while. So, I took a test. Actually, I took three. They are still in the garbage, if you want to see them. But, they all say the same thing. I'm pregnant."

Jackson laughed uncomfortably. "What?"

"I'm pregnant, Jackson."

Jackson closed and opened his mouth. "What? I...I... What?"

"I've just word vomited all over you, haven't I? I've been doing that a lot. Vomiting, that is. Um, I think I'll give you some time to process. Let me know when you want to talk," April said, scooting off the bed before she made a beeline for the door.

When she got back to her room, she put her hand on her pounding heart. I did it, she thought. The hardest part was over. Now all she had to do was wait for Jackson to respond.

How would he react? He was apparently in shock. What if he got mad at her? What if he thought she should get rid of the baby? What if he didn't want to be a part of her life or her baby's? All her doubts raced through her mind. A few tears escaped from her eyes. She pressed her hands to her face to prevent the flow of any more tears.

She didn't look up when she heard the door open or when she felt the bed dip. She only glanced up at Jackson when she felt his arms slip around her.

"Shhh. It's going to be ok. I'm sorry about before. I just didn't know what to say," he said as he rubbed her back.

"I can't blame you. I wasn't very smooth. I sounded so stupid just rambling on like that. Do you know I even made a list of ways to tell you?"

"Really?" Jackson asked, pulling slightly back from her so that he could look at her.

"Yeah, I was nervous to tell you."

"I got to be honest. I'm kind of freaking out here." Jackson confessed, visibly swallowing. She looked into the widened pupils of his eyes and the nervousness and fear she saw there tugged at her heart strings. Reaching for his hand, she squeezed it gently.

"I know. I did too when I first found out."

"How long have you known?"

"Just a few days for sure, but I suspected about a week ago when I realized my stomach bug was probably morning sickness?"

Jackson nodded. "Do you get morning sickness a lot?"

"Every...single...day."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be," April replied, pouting slightly.

He kissed her on the forehead and sighed. "So...what do you want to do about the baby?"

April bit her lip. "I want to keep it," she answered.