Everything i do i mess up,everything. What was i thinking..I lost him over something that I was to blind to see it was a sin or a really bad thing.I lost a good guy over something stupid like what I was doing..every time I get my hopes up on something I go and mess things up once it's all good for a while.I never meant for anything like this to happen,I was wrong,everything was wrong there is no petty excuse for what iv done sept i was blind.If i could Rewind time....I would change everything..Everything that went wrong,all the words I said wrong...All the people i disappointed...I want this nightmare to end,I want it gone and I want him back...Those words were poison to my heart..I thought I was going to die right then and there...Felt like I was gonna be in a never ending cry,cause i lost alot of people because of one of my stupid mistakes....Is that stupid that I felt that way after he left?No,I don't feel sorry I cried.Because I couldn't help what I felt and I messed it up,nothing else messed it up.I did and my sick mind that i was to blind to see i had.It was all my idea,i should take blame..id do anything to have him back,anything,anything i have to do,but its done,its all over and what do i get?a broken heart that i wish that the same person would come back and fix it all up,but I'll always know that he still loves me and always will,so will I.my only wish. i will give up everything,even my life to hear or see him again,wich i know i will but..ill miss talking to him,hes about the only one that listens to me and wants to talk to me now. but if i had him back...heck i would change everything.no more mistakes.after all im only young,and what we were doing was wrong at this age...i know we couldn't help it,especially for me because i loved him deeply and all those hormones and junk took over i guess.whatever you wanna call it ,it was wrong.but you know what?i want to change,not only for him but for me.i poisoned myself with this.its my fault,no matter what people say.i was a part of this,and now that your gone for a long while what else is there?my family cares yes,but not as much as you cared for me.not nearly as much as you did. i cried for 7 to 8 straight hours,ask my mom and dad,they had to see me like that.sure they were there but it will never heal the pain.never.if i put on a fake smile?it will only make it worse.worse then it already is.Huh,funny how bad and messed up things all happen to me.guess i had it coming.after all i do deserve all of this. i deserve a punch in the face and gut for this,it was obviouse like right in my face it was.it was wrong..i did this to you,i started it and its all my fault.i NEVER want to do this ever again,ever..i would never do this,it tainted my mind with sick-ish thoughts.what am i doing im only 15 for god sake i should be doing 15 year old stuff,not talking about that stuff,it shouldn't even be a thought. or even a SPECK of a thought. but you know what we could do at this age? and i know this wont change anyone's minds but.....you can still have love in your heart and stay with me,just not that kind of love,that was waaaay wayyy to inappropriate and apparently illegal. Yeah if i known that i would have stopped it to,pics and everything was wrong but now...losing you,heh,i am in prison. never been there but man dose it feel like hell now. no joking I'm dead serious. i cried saying that i hope you find someone else,cause i didn't think it would come to this i just want you back, im tired im scared i want this nightmare to end already i hate this all and want everything back.i want my happiness back.i want my voice back,when you left i could barley even speak never mind sing. i want to love again,with no one else i don't want anyone else! never could i do that ,that will make my heart brake worse. but you know what? no matter how my heart brakes,no matter were the shards of it are....you still have my heart with you....remember when we said we have each others hearts? that gave me hope.no,it gave me strength,knowing that my heart was safe in your hands,it still is,it may be crushed but you think that will change the way i feel about you? i'm not like every other girl that will just hate the guy for crushing or braking they're heart and change completely how they feel,I'm the one that dose have the pain,but doesn't give me a reason to hate you,i hate myself for all this. im sorry. im sorry for all i'v done....i know you love your family and you know i understand that and they say family comes first before anything,i understand. it hurts but i know. but don't ever think for one second that i don't love you,heck i can't stop loving you. there isn't a day that goes by without me think of you. and that will never E.V.E.R change. and i just..always know i'll always love you.your the only one that i could ever love :*
your parents care about you and want whats best,so do mine,heck they were gonna kill me when they heard..but in a caring way..i think.anyways i understand how they must feel about that whole thing...If that were my kid id be frigging scared and upset. and i want whats best for you so that your safe. but all of you just know i am never doing that again,no matter what it was wrong of me and him to do. i understand.
wow i type alot.....anyways this ends this little letter,remember i'll always love you brandy^^,no matter what or how far i am,i promise i'll love you forever :)
love:angel. <3
