jaspar one shots

Lucky Coincidence

"Oh my god I was gonna wait to tell you this until after I told my family at Christmas but Dylan O'Brien is way too hot. I'm gay. Oh my god. I really just had to talk about Dylan O'Brien for a second look at his eyes! How are they so pretty?! Ok anyway yeah." Caspar slumped down on the couch so that his head was almost between the cushions and did a double-fist pump in the air. "WOO!" he shrieked, running a hand through his hair. He looked up at Joe for a reaction. Joe paused Maze Runner and moved the big bowl of popcorn from his lap to the coffee table.

"Caspar are you serious?" Joe said, grinning. Caspar gave him a closed-mouth smile and nodded. "Glad that's over with. Are you really so surprised, man?"

Joe thought for a moment before saying, "I guess not, come to think of it. It had never really occurred to me. Well that's great buddy! Aw I'm so proud of you!" He rumpled his roommate's hair. Caspar cooed and leaned into Joe's hand, happily closing his eyes before asking the older boy to turn the movie back on. "D'you not want to talk about it any more than that?" Joe asked.

Caspar smiled, glad that Joe was apparently comfortable enough with the idea of a gay roommate to want to know more about it. He'd assumed that Joe would be fine but Caspar was glad that not only was he okay with it, he was happy about it. "Well, sure, I don't know..what do you want me to say about it?" Caspar felt more shy about discussing it than he'd anticipated, he supposed just because he had never talked about it out loud to anyone before, but he did want to explain his story a bit.

Joe asked him how he knew, how long he'd known, and if he'd told anyone else, and Caspar told him he'd always thought boys were really beautiful and great but since straightness seemed to be the default he hadn't considered anything else for himself until he was seventeen, when a guy in his class got drunk at prom and kissed him on the lips. He spent months pushing it out of his mind until he moved to London. He wanted to get a fresh start, find a girlfriend, and have fun doing YouTube and not thinking about any boys, at all, ever. Except of course when he and Marcus kissed for a video. Which again, took months to forget.

He admitted to Joe that he had the biggest crush on Marcus for all of 2013 and well into April of 2014. Even despite dating Gaby, despite the genuine (though begrudgingly utterly platonic) fondness he did have for her, Caspar told Joe that anytime Marcus was especially affectionate towards him he got a little flustered. Joe agreed with Caspar that Marcus was really good looking and hilarious and generally excellent company.

Caspar told Joe about his trip to Uganda and Zanzibar with his last girlfriend, Emma. He really loved her with all of his heart, and wanted so badly for her to be happy. On that trip he saw so much more clearly what he already knew was wonderful about her heart, and it confused him so thoroughly. He knew, logically, that he should feel fireworks going off in his soul, that he should be wanting to steal kisses every second he could, that he should be daydreaming about their kids' blue eyes, but he just.....wasn't. It just wouldn't happen. The trip was a chance for Caspar to see Emma at her peak brilliance, which he had hoped would make him feel really especially in love with her, but in reality it only forced him to acknowledge how un-romantic and how purely platonic his feelings for her were.

Three days after they returned home, Caspar stopped by Emma's apartment. He told her all the things he'd been thinking about, minus the comparisons he couldn't stop himself from making between how he felt around Emma (comfortable, happy, wanting to hug her) and 2013 Marcus (sweaty, buzzing, wanting to make out with him). Emma, being the absolutely angelic legend she was, understood Caspar, he admitted now, better than he had understood himself at the time, although she didn't say anything to do with his sexual orientation at the time. He shed more tears than she did, they hugged for a while, and agreed not to part ways except as a couple. They stayed close friends and she was the first person Caspar came out to in November, on the night of Joe and Caspar's premiere.