More Than A Memory

Annabelle Baker Before

Annabelle Baker Before

What is love? How do you know it's true love? How do you know he's the one? How do you know it's not just a feeling that's going to go away in the future? So many questions and none of them I can answer.

1 year ago my life ended. I was separated from my best friend, Michael Harrington. I can't believe my parents would do this to me. No matter how much I cried or screamed or kick, they wouldn't budge. 'We're moving and that's that,' they would say but it's not fair. Just because my dad got a job in California doesn't mean my mom and I have to move too.

We were fine in New York. I mean my mom had a lot of friends there and I had Michael. We were happy so why move all of a sudden? Two weeks from now I will have to go back to the dumbest school in the whole wide world. Yeah it's my junior year and I have to spend it wearing a uniform and go to church.

Like seriously I don't know why my parents are so religious. I use to be so religious too. I would always tell Michael about God and everything. Now that I think about it, I was crazy. I mean why would I pray to a guy I don't even know is real? It's like judging Buddhism or Judaism you know. How do you know what they're praying to is real or not? How do you know God is real or not? The real reason I grew away from God is that I prayed to him every freaking day about convincing my parents not to leave. Clearly he didn't answer me or he's not even real.

I know someday I will go back to New York and tell Michael how I really feel about him. I promise the day I turn 18, I'll fly back to New York and look for him. I don't care if he's got his own life or if he's freaking married, I just have to tell him. How do I really feel about him? I really don't know.

I think I'm in love with him. I know me of all people shouldn't be saying this. I mean I don't even know what love is. It may be just a crush that would go away later but it just feels right around him. He's the one that makes me feel so happy when I'm so mad. I get tingles when I'm around him and my heart beats faster just thinking about him. Like when the night before I would be moving, I slept over at his place and I wasn't even thinking about moving. He rented about 10 and in my opinion epic and hilarious movies. We laughed all night until I was tired and fell asleep in his arms. It sounds crazy but shouldn't love be crazy? Shouldn't life be crazy?

I sighed and was about to go to sleep when I hear a sound. I sat up and looked out the window. Oh great Mr. Romeo and yes his name is actually Romeo is throwing rocks at my window. He's a senior and is 18. Cliché right? NO! I really just hate him. I mean why can't he just leave me alone? Every single day he asks me out and every single night he throws rocks at my window until 1 in the morning. Yeah I stayed awake. Sometimes the rocks are so loud that he has to leave early because my dad is running outside with the phone in his hand and yelling at Romeo to get off his yard or he'll call the police. I wish that would happen more often. At least then I would get some rest.

I know I won't be able to go to sleep so I sit on the floor and slide a shoebox from under my bed out. There were probably more than 365 letters in there and all to Michael. I wrote one to him every single day ever since the I got here. It's stupid I know but I'm pretty sure on every one of them, I've told him how I felt about him. I never got the confidence to send any of them because he'll probably think I was crazy was confessing my love for him on a piece of paper. Plus I want to see how he reacts to my confession. It would be hard if he says he doesn't feel the same but I just have to know. No matter how hurtful it might be.

I grabbed a pen and wrote down everything I felt about him. It's our 1 year anniversary apart and I want this letter to be perfect. I wrote down everything about God and every feeling I have whenever I'm around him. I told him about school and how summer is ending. I sighed when I was finally done with the letter. It took 3 pages front and back to put down everything. I looked at the clock. Oh dang it, it was one already. Wait but why is there still rocks knocking on my window. I looked down and realized that he's still throwing rocks.