Larry and Niam Stories

Im Not Okay Prologue

I'm Not Okay/ Larry Stylinson

Prologue:

Sitting alone in his room, Louis closed his eyes tightly, hugging his knees. He tried to get the tears to stop falling down his pale cheeks, but... He couldnt. They wouldnt. He hugged his knees tighter, whimpering silently into them, wishing that the pain he was feeling would go away. It didnt. Of course it didnt. Nothing ever worked out for Louis, why did he expect that it would? He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling, trying to control his sniffling so he wouldnt wake Harry, who's room was just across the hall from his. The darkness surrounded Louis, yet, this time, it brought no comfort. Usually, he would be in Harry's arms, sleeping. Not this time.

Louis glanced at the clock. 3:49 AM.

Louis still have yet to sleep. He couldnt, he was hurting too much. He couldnt go to Harry, because he was upset with him. He felt pathetic, crying over this. Harry was his best mate, and it hurt him so much more that he was upset with him. He dragged himself out of his warm bed and stepped into the bathroom, the cool tiles of the Louis making shiver slightly. He looked around for what he needed. It's been so long since he's last done it. Two months. It's the longest he's gone in 3 years, when he started.

Louis dug around in one of the drawers, searching. His finger touched its smooth side and he pulled it up, staring at it as it shined in the light the bathroom emitted. He licked his lips, glancing down at his stomach area. He lifted his shirt, eyeing the thin white scars that were barely healed that were scattered across his flesh. Biting his lip, Louis brought the metal edge against his skin and dug it in, swiping it across. He sucked in a breath, to keep from making any large noises with his pain.

He closed his eyes, the familiar pain taking away the sadness. Louis opened them once more and did it again.

Stupid.

Cut.

Worthless.

Cut.

Useless.

Cut.

Unwanted.

Cut.

Horrible.

Cut.

The words that used to never get to him echoed around his head, and he believed them. For the first time in a long time, he felt the despair swallow him whole. He glanced at the bloody blade, turning on the water and rinsing it off. Louis hid the razor, just in case he needed it again, which he was sure that he would. He grabbed a towel and pressed it to his stomach, hoping to slow down the bleeding that was occuring. After a few minutes, he pulled the towel away and got the bandages he always has ready in case someone gets injuries. Louis slowly wrapped it around his torn torso, closing his eyes against the pain.

A few minutes after, he was back in bed, under the covers, back to thinking.

Why. Why did I listen to management. If I didnt, maybe.. maybe I wouldnt be in this predicament.

He thought back to earlier that day, when he tweeted this girl about Larry.

"How's this , Larry is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. I'm happy, why can't you accept that."

Management knew. They made him do that, because they knew. Somehow, someway, they knew. They knew that Louis was in love with him. Harry. His best mate. His band member. And they couldnt accept that.