The Lost Of A Bestfriend

After math

You'll never know how much you miss someone until you lose them. I lost my best friend Becca little. It's was probably one of the worst days of my life. I really don't know how we have survived so far. I guess it's because I know I will see her one day. I will never forget her. She will always have a big hole in my heart to fill. I will wait as long as it takes until I get to see my best friend. And don't worry I will uphold that promise.

It's really hard for me to look at Becca's Instagram, i don't know why . I guess it's because I realize how much we have been through. And just the little things to. The Starbucks runs with her dad , with loud music and bath and body works stops. Wow. It been more than 150 weeks since I have met Becca for the first time. Wow. I don't know why she had to move. Why ? Can someone please help? I don't understand? Help. All I need is one hug. Not from just anyone. I want to hug from Becca . I loved when I would walk in to my classroom and just get a huge hug from my best friend. And I just got all of that taken way from me. I Just want a hug. One hug. That's all I'm asking for. I did not get my last hug.

  Why did Becca have to go? Why. Why couldn't out of the billions of people on the earth it had to be becca. The most amazingest girl in my life. Why. I can't help to think why. Why Becca. If I had to change one thing about this world besides bring back Becca home. I would make a more powerful word for love. Something that when you said meant to world to them. Not just I love you . It needs to be something more, so I can tell Becca I ____ . And I miss you more than worlds eternity. And no one would ever stop me from coming to get you one day and again once say " hey best friend".
  
       114 114 114, im sitting here to know that my best friend is somewhere on the world so far but so close to my heart. God how much I miss her. I never new loving someone could hurt you so bad. I'm laying here wishing she could be laying next to me. No I'm not a crier but wow does this get some tears rolling. She literally was my everything . The one thing I was looking forward to about going to school and seeing Becca in homeroom and in first period. I would almost always hug her everyday and wow do I love those hugs. I have never been so excited to hug someone that much. I have never hug or felt the same feeling as I get hug by her. She is my everything . I never would I have thought that she was actually going to move, and wow was I wrong. I can't say it enough, I miss her so much. It hurts me to answer her face times because I knew we would have to say goodbye again. I don't want to do that . Not after such a short goodbye I got to say. I miss all the time she called me bob, no one has ever called me bob like her. I always called her tita. We have this inside joke , I would call her and she would call me Becca little Cefaratti , and Morgan cefaratti Little. We had it in our bios too that made me happy to think she wanted everyone to see that. I miss getting called that because her family and life was so perfect it was amazing how someone that amazing could like someone like me.

     I listen to this over and over and tears keep rolling and rolling. May I ask a question? Why did it have to be Becca who had to move. Huh! I'm so frustrated that it had to be one of the most greatest people I've ever met. I find it shocking how a relationship can be just tossed away by 2 words. "We're moving" . I was the first person Becca called to tell me the news . I was to excited to find out she was staying right where she belonged. Right in my heart. Then my heart stopped beating. I thought I heard her wrong or something . It was the worst feeling to have when someone so loved can be taken away so fast.

There's an empty seat in front of me and I see you sitting there and I miss you I miss they way your always there for me. You would take of any time you have for me, no one has ever done that for me. At least not as good.

       Just sitting here and realizing something. I showed Elaina my big paragraph about Becca, I would have never showed anyone. But I needed someone to talk to and since Becca's gone I didn't have anyone to trust to tell. So I thought showing and telling Elaina would work. You know because she knew Becca and we both hung out together and stuff. So I texted her and pored my heart and life out to her. Tho I would have never told her my deepest secret. I just needed someone . After I asked for a hug. The fact She said yes of course. I felt very ( stopped to wipe my face) good and trusting inside. But then that day I got a text from Rhyan.... She asked if I was okay?. I said yes why (lying) she said because Elaina told me and showed me your convo. I was torn. My heart had sunk, I thought I could trust her but I couldn't. Then in 7th period science ms.bowden , she never hugged me like she said she would. After I gave her time to see if she would I yelled at her for telling Rhyan. I have only one regret. Going to the wrong person to talk to.

    Life was never perfect for me. I don't think anyone had one either. But I can say I was pretty close . Becca Little Cefaratti had been for me all these years. And now she moved away and I don't know how I let that happen. I thought I knew for sure she wasn't moving and when she FaceTimed me I would just here he didn't get the job. Goodness I was wrong... Its pretty disappointing to find out your best friends moving I didn't have enough time with her, I didn't get to say goodbye the way I wanted,  I didn't get to tell her how I felt. That was one of my biggest regrets. I honestly don't know how my life would've went if I didn't have Becca  in my life. Who would have slept over all this time she did? Who would've went to Starbucks and saw movies and screamed and laugh together with me? Sometimes I wonder this, what if I couldn't come along. And why was I the one who is blessed with her. I meant I was deathly not the perfect person Becca probably should've had but sometimes I feel like I could a gave her so much more.

       I didn't get to tell her how I felt. I guess I write these for all the make up time that I didn't really explain Becca. I read them and told her about them but it's just not the same. It feels well I feel lonely sometimes when I'm looking for someone to come over I always think Becca I always think of Becca .