Trembling

I Should Not Be Here

"Where's the map?" Kylo Ren demanded, voice distorted by his thick mask.

I turned my head away from his, a soft whimper escaped me. It was becoming increasingly hard to be strong and do the Resistance good.

I felt trapped and claustrophobic, which was not helped by the close proximity of his concealed face. Kylo's mask reminded me much of Darth Vader's, which I'm sure was the point. Kylo's was much more minimalist, but still held the same intimidation as his grandfather's before him. It made him feel inhuman. I tried to picture what sort of disfigured monstrosity was hidden behind the mask and I saw visions of charred flesh or perhaps self-inflicted sores. He was cloaked in all black from his toes to the top of his head which caused him to blend into the shadows at the edges of the room. 

My whole body was on edge as my fight or flight mechanism was stuck in hyper drive. Frustrated with my lack of cooperation, he stormed off and disappeared into the edge of the light. My hope was that he would give up on me, have a Storm trooper untie me, and perhaps end my pitiful existence. Wishful thinking. His hand threw his thick black cloak back and he removed his saber. My body erupted in tremors as fear overcame my body.

I wasn't trained for this. I wasn't a spy. I was barely a Jedi. I should not be here. I was merely a technician for the Resistance, working the ships whenever the need arose. I had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time and heard the wrong exchange of information.

In a rage, he whipped out his light saber. Each time Kylo slashed the wall of the holding cell, the screeching of the metal made me feel like I too was being torn to shreds. I started trembling more and my chest tightened, tears forming at the corners of my eyes.

I sucked in a breath of air and let out a single broken sob. This directed his attention back to me. It took two purposeful steps for him to be back to me, his light saber still out at his side. He looked so powerful, I couldn't look away frozen in fear. What he did next was nothing that I expected.

With a flick of his wrist he returned his saber to its place on his belt and he brought his hands up to his mask. Kylo pressed some sort of release of the sides of his mask and air escaped from underneath as he removed his mask. I was greeted with pale skin as white as the snow outside and hair that matched the shade of his cloak. There were no deformations upon his skin, no burns or scars or open wounds, in fact it was flawless. But what was most surprising of all was his attractiveness. His deep brown eyes were locked with mine as I took in his features. Kylo brought up a gloved hand, stroking my face causing my blood to pound in my ears.

Suddenly, with this reveal of flesh, he seemed so much human than he had before and I realized how horrific this all was. This man was a real true man. He had skin, a heart, and perhaps even feelings; he wasn't the emotionless robot I had pegged him for before. This man was the cause of all this strife. He had ended countless lives, civilizations, and cultures and would end countless more if I couldn't keep my thoughts to myself.

I watched in horror as he brought his hand in front of my face. I locked eyes with him as I could feel him start to probe at my mind and the pain I felt then was like no other. It felt like he was physically climbing into my skull and digging around for my thoughts. I had to think of anything else and keep him away from the thoughts I least wanted him to read. I had an idea.

My eyes drifted to his lips. I bet they were soft. I imagined them on my neck and my jawline planting sweet kisses. They would send chills down my body and desire to fill my stomach. I was right before, he did hold so much power. He could make me feel things I had never felt before. I could sense him in these thoughts and I knew I was right by the way his expression changed. I had caught him off guard. I continued, feeling a sense of confidence. I imagined being pulled into his lap, running my hands through his dark mane as our lips finally connected. The need to wrap my legs around his waist and grind against him, to make him feel how bad I needed him to take away the need for him caused me to pull at my restraints and bring me back to reality.

"Kylo," I begged "touch me."