morning princess - ethan dolan

12.

The dryness in my throat has decided to reside with me, and the tears decided to make my face their new home.

I haven't left my room in about two days, and there was no reason to. There was nothing out there in the world left for me. There's this emptiness that has fell across my room, and no matter how many times I arrange the stuff in the bedroom I'm in, there's something out of place.

That's Ethan in my arms. 

In my lifetime, I have plenty of regrets, and not telling Ethan he meant everything to me might just be number one. 

We were fine, we could've been together, we could've been happy together and we could've lasted. He let the world get the best of him. He put himself in this position where he felt that this was his fight, and his fight only. There was so much I could've done for him.

"Princess." 

The word would sound bitter in anyone else's mouth but Ethan's. Only he could make me feel as if I'm on a cloud, and only he could've made me feel like I was worth something and that coming here to France was for the best. If I didn't come to France, he could've killed himself sooner, he would've died three months prior. No one would've realized his beauty, his intelligence.

"Isa? Let me come in, please," Auntie begged.

She has no idea what is going on with me, she has no idea about Ethan. The whole car ride home, I had sat silently in the backseat, while she sung aloud to the radio. I couldn't even breathe, knowing that this sweet, crisp air was once taken in by Ethan at one point: when he was laughing, when he took a breath when he kissed me. Everything just ends up reminding me of him.

"Isa, let me in," Auntie demanded, banging her hand on the door. 

"'This is for the best,'" I recalled, laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. "Do you remember telling me that when I first got here?"

Auntie stopped the banging on the door, she was quiet. I took this time to continue talking.

"You told me that good things would happen if I came here, if I stayed in France, and nothing good has happened!" I yelled, "I've been doing nothing but suffering. I met this guy who I truly loved, who I desperately cared about. Ethan treated me like an angel and gave me absolute joy and I don't have him anymore."

"I'm sorry he broke up with you," Auntie lied. I knew it hurt her to hear that I was in love with a guy and she didn't know about him.

"He killed himself," I corrected her, standing up and going to my bathroom. My headache just got worse and I needed the medication. "He killed himself about a week ago. I haven't seen him or heard his voice for about a week." 

I take two pills, before sitting on the toilet lid. I run my fingers through my hair, the tears starting back up again as reality sets in. 

He's gone, my Prince Charming is gone. I could only call him mine for about two months, but I truly loved him. I needed closure, it's already been a week since I heard about his death and I'm still moping. I need to fix myself. 

I walk out of my bathroom, and go to my phone, which is on my bed. I wipe the my face of the salty residue of my tears before writing a text. It's the one thing that started this, and I'm going to finish this on a positive note.

to ethan dolan: morning my prince, I love you.