idk if our feelings are mutual, or are ever gonna be mutual again, but I miss you. And I love you. And before you start thinking, this isn't an "I want you back" note, it's just a reminder that you made me happy, and everything that happened between us was worth it. Not saying that I don't want to be with you, it's just that more than likely, that's not what you would agree to want.
There's two songs that mean more to me than I would've thought they'd ever mean. You are also are the one who sent them to me. And lately, they've been playing more often as well. Now that we're just a memory, those songs dug a part for themselves in my heart, and the difficult part is I let them in. And they're there to stay. I don't mind honestly, but I can't ever evade the tears or feelings that come with it.
Song #1
"The Scientist"
The lyrics in this song hit me pretty hard due to the fact that I can relate to them so much. Not only in a mental relation, but a physical one.
"I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart"
Just the other day, I messaged you on kik. I didn't know what I was doing. I thought I was making a fool of myself tbh. I've somewhat changed, I've been going by Sammy now, who knows when I'll fully become of a result lol. But i always remind myself of who fell in love with you in the first place, Harper. And realizing all this helped me also realize I was just trying to contact you because I missed you, and needed you in a way to feel secure and safe. To tell me it's ok, I don't have to be anybody else that I'm not. And in all that, I feel terrible. Because it was me who drifted us apart, I didn't answer. I didn't. It emotionally kills me, because I don't really smile anymore. It hurts to smile. I hate smiling. Why fake a smile, when the world still laughs and mocks at it? Only reason why I ever smiled before was because you were my source of happiness. And now there's no point. There's no blame in this at all either, I still hate smiling, it's a natural cause of reenacted humiliation to me.
"Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start"
My biggest regret was not responding. But I felt as if I was a failure to be your source of happiness as you were mine. And neither my mind, or heart would tell me that in the long run, I'd break my own heart by doing so. I used to ask you all the time if you remember the first time we talked. And every time you'd repeat it to me, I smiled. At that time, I loved smiling, because you were the reason why, and I loved you. My first time communicating with you will always be my most dearest memory, and I just wish I could relive such a time as that.
Song #2
"I Miss You"
Ha, the song title sums up this whole grievance.
" Where are you and I'm so sorry, I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always, this sick strange darkness, comes creeping on so haunting every time "
I often wonder what'd it'd be like to actually be placed in front of you. To be able to see you, eye to eye. To physically touch you, in a affectionate way that being. I tend to get emotional when I can't physically be there for you either. I know about your own personal insecurities, and I wish nothing more than to be able to actually hug you, and comfort you, and for that, I apologize, because distance makes it terribly difficult. When I fall asleep at night, I somewhat drive myself to dream about you, but then it becomes a nightmare, due to lack of physical attachment. And for that, I refuse to sleep sometimes, it's either deal with the pain through dead-like vision, or heartache tears. And the burning sensation on my eyes isn't that bad to get used to. This happens quite a lot, and it effects me in such a way, sometimes I'm unable to cope.
I'll wrap this thing up I guess, I don't want to be a bore..
But what hurts the most, what honestly hurts the most is the fact that my biggest dream was to be with you forever, no matter the time being just a screen away, I had actually planned more than enough stuff with you in my life. I involved you in almost all my thoughts, night and day. Yes, I do revisit those thoughts, just not as often, as I think my dream is no longer available. I love you, I'm just not worth it.
"Don't waste your time on me, you're
already the voice inside my head..."
5:45 AM- |end|
YOU ARE READING
Long Distance
Lãng mạnThe lack of physical touch is what kept the two heartbroken for some time. But when you love someone, you'll wait for what seems as if eternity. Harper and Collin first met through Omegle. They shared eachothers kiks, then soon became relevantly ti...
