The struggle

Struggle

There I was holding onto that chunk of rock for dear life; hoping - no praying- that I would not fall and break any bones. I didn't even understand what I was doing there in the first place. Was I trying to prove something to myself? Or had I gone completely mental? Honestly, I don't think I will ever have the answer to those questions... what truly mattered in that moment was how the hell I was going to get out of that mess.

The muscles in my legs were going to give in at any moment, I was sure of it. My hands were screaming in pain due to all the pressure I was forcing on them, the rocks underneath my palms weren't of any help neither. I could feel the sheet of sweat forming on my forehead. I was ready to give up my fight and just start to descend the mountain; but I looked up once more and saw it... the cross at the very peak of the mount.

"No, I can't just give up! Not after I've come all this way!" I thought to myself.

So with that in mind, I rounded up every last piece of courage and strength left in me and swung my left leg over the boulder beneath me. I proceeded to push my arms upward and hoist myself on top of the small ledge that seconds ago was above me. I sat down and took a breather and started to think how in the world was I going to climb all the up to the peak. I had nothing with me at that time, no rope, no climbing equipment, just me and my bare hands. I was insane for not thinking about this beforehand and to top it off I was wearing shorts and a tank top, I felt like my skin was totally exposed to any harm.

I started to analyze my surroundings, searching for a way up to the cross... but sadly I realized my reality, there was absolutely no way up from the area in which I found myself at. In other words, I was in deep trouble; all around me, the rocky land was going downhill. Everywhere I looked it was just the same, landslides all-round. And I couldn't go around any of it; I simply didn't have the time. The sun was already going down, I had wasted too much time trying to get up to this point of the climb and I still had to go back down again.

       Noticing my defeat I took one glance at the cross and told it telepathy "This won't be the last you will see of me; I will come back and I will be stronger you won't mock me again, I can guarantee that." 

      With a huff of breath, I turned around ready to start my descent. Slowly but surely I went down trying to keep a steady pace, but I found that very hard since I was already exhausted from the climb up; my whole body was aching of pain begging and screaming for mercy. But I had to continue anyways there was still sunlight left and I had to use that to my advantage.

      I was doing good, everything was going better than I had thought it would – my first mistake- I was being too overconfident, in that moment I didn't know the danger I was putting myself in. I found myself halfway down the mountain, in that moment I decided it would be best to take a break – the second mistake- I choose the worst place to take a breather, but I was too tired to even notice. After a while, I thought it was time to continue going downhill, but when I looked down I was given a horrible surprise.

        I had absolutely no place to grab or to hook my feet onto.

       I looked around desperately hoping to find a way out of this, but I didn't. So I went all in; I placed my left foot on top of the smooth rock –third and final mistake- I placed my two feet in the worst way possible, thinking that I could possibly succeed in making an impossible stunt.

      From there on everything came tumbling down. Literally.

        One second you're as fine as can be then the next you see yourself falling trying to grab a hold of anything to help you, but sadly there's nothing there.

       In that moment all I felt was pure terror; because for once in my life I didn't have anyone or anything to help me, I was completely alone.

     What came next wasn't any prettier.

     After a moment I came to a halt, I never felt more relieved in my life, but that relief washed away once I looked down at my left leg. Blood was dripping out of it, but it got worst I felt a sting at the back of my thigh; I brought my left hand under it to see if my nightmare could get any worst and that's exactly what happened. I remember clearly that my hand had a red stain all over it. My breath got caught in my throat; I started to see black spots all around me.

      I was ready to faint; no I was ready to die right there.

        But till this day I have no clue how I manage to do this; I simply ignored the fact that I was having a panic attack, caused because of my huge fear of blood, and continued to climb down the mountain step by step with my heart racing and my body telling to just faint and forget everything. 

      The last part to descend felt horrible, the pain in my body had only increased by a thousand percent. Every step was was like walking on fire; I could feel the blood and dirt on my skin, my hands had huge cuts on them, and my vision still had black spots. 

    The cross was heaven and I had fallen into what seemed like hell. 

    When I finally felt the smooth ground under my sneakers I couldn't have felt happier. In the end, I had made it down the mountain, even though I had everything against me I had done it. with the last bit of my energy I went searching for anyone that could help me, but as I went limping off to find help I look back at the cross and thought to myself

"I may have fallen, but that doesn't mean I lost the fight."

                                           

                                                                                       The end.