Big Book Of Stories

Life And Dreams

There's something that occurs in the human brain when a person is growing up that causes them to either be considered "normal","strange", or to have some sort of problem. To have something that makes them feel alone, have something that makes them feel like they are unwanted or that they're not doing anything right. My name is Alessia Miller and sadly I'm amongst that group of people that are considered to have a problem, I'm one of those people that aren't normal and can't experience high school the way that any other teenager does.
   
"Miss. Miller can you pay attention to the lesson!" I heard my History teacher yelling at me from the front of the classroom. I know I wasn't paying attention, I was trying but it was hard. I daze off sometimes and it's just something that happens. I hate it just as much as the teachers do when they get mad at me for not paying attention. When I daze off my mind is always preoccupied and thinking of the things that have happened to me in the past, they're full of any and every sad thought that my mind will come up with, and I hate it!
"Alessia, pay attention or don't even bother coming to my class!". I looked up at her, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything, I couldn't bring myself to try to even let her know that I'm trying my best. That my best never seems to be enough, and that it never seems worth all of the effort that I put into trying.
"She's trying Ms. Ryland, you can't just tell her to not show up." I knew right away that the voice belonged to my best friend, and next door neighbor Danny. Danny know's about my depression, he was actually with me the day I found out about it. He knows how hard I try to keep my life as normal as I can, as normal as I want it to be. He knows how I feel because he has depression too. It's weird considering the fact that he helps me, and I help him but, we can't actually help ourselves.
"Mr. Anderson, I will not tolerate your back talking and her denying to learn! You BOTH may leave the classroom now!" I heard Danny groan, and he grabbed my hand helping me get up.
"Fine, we'll leave then!" Danny shouted back at her as he walked out of the classroom holding my hand with me trailing behind him. "Are you okay?" He looked down at me as soon as we got into the parking lot of the school.
"I guess...I'm not sure." I looked up at him not really sure of the emotions I was feeling, or what it was that I was thinking after being kicked out of the class.
"I know that look...Don't blame yourself. We both know that you want to pay attention without getting in one of the..moods."
"I really do want to pay attention Danny. I'm really trying so hard!" I yelled at him, feeling nothing but anger rising through me.
"I know you are, and it's not your fault that Ms. Ryland is ignorant and doesn't care about the well beings of her students." I know he's right. I know that I shouldn't be blaming myself for this, or letting this affect me, but I am and I can't help it. Danny sighed and looked down at me knowing that I was still thinking about what just happened in the classroom. "Come on Lessi..let's go get some ice cream" he grabbed my hand and led me to his car. I already knew that car ride would be full of nothing but music that I love, and him trying to cheer me up.

After getting ice cream Danny brought me to a park, we went between sitting on a bench that was placed under a tree, that directly faced a pond to taking over two seats on the swingset, just enjoying the night and the quiet we were left in once all of the parents took their kids home.
"Hey" Danny looked over at me smiling.
"Hey," I glanced to the left of me smiling at him "Thanks for defending me back in class earlier...and well all of this" I said taking one hand off of the chains that kept the swing attached to the rest of the swing set and gesturing my hand to emphasize on everything he's done for me throughout the day.
"That's my job Alessia" Danny looked towards me laughing. " I'm you're best friend, I'm here to help my adorably dorky neighbor whenever and however I can." I looked over at Danny laughing,
"I'm definitely not a dork you nerd!"  I yelled in  between my laughs.
"Yes, you are! Everything about you screams dork Alessia, just embrace your dorkish ways" Danny laughed at me and started to pump his legs to go higher on the swings.
"If I'm a dork then you're a nerd!" I looked at him, doing the same as him in hopes of getting higher into the air then him.
"I never said that I wasn't a nerd now did I Miller?" I shrugged at him and did a half nod. half shake of the head. I guess he was right on that part. 
Danny might really be a nerd, but he's my nerd. I can't help but to love Danny and it's more then he would probably ever realize. If he ever came close to understanding he wouldn't even think of my love for him in the way that I really mean it. I was brought out of my thoughts on my true feelings for Danny when I felt something slowing my swing down to barely any movement.
"Come on Lessia. Let's go before your mom kills me for getting you home too late" he stood in front of my swing waiting for me to get off and follow him.
"I don't wanna walk" I was too lazy and too tired from all that happened today for me to want to walk all the way to his car.
"Come on. You know the deal." Danny turned around and bent down some waiting for me to jump onto his back.
The ride back home was quiet and full of nothing but the radio being played lowly in the background of our peace, and thoughts. Somewhere along the ride I must have zoned out. One minute we were in the parking lot of the park, the next minute we were in Danny's driveway and he was extremely close to my face and poking my cheeks until I spoke.
"Well hello there, nice of you to join me again." Danny smirked at me, knowing that I was in my own world for the whole car ride.
"Shh. Don't make fun of me."
"Fine, I won't," Danny got out of the car and walked over the the passenger's door where I was sitting. "Come on babes." I was way too tired to even comment something snarky back to him, but that nickname definitely caused the butterflies in my stomach to wake up and rapidly fly around. He locked the car door and grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine signaling me to start walking with him to my door. Danny opened my house door with the extra key my mom had given him knowing how often I fall asleep in the car with Danny, or even at his house and stood in the main hallway with me.
"I really do appreciate all of this Anderson"
"I know you do Miller, and I've already told you. I have no problem with trying to help you." I smiled up at him and hugged him tight.
"Aw you're gonna make me cry" Danny laughed as he hugged me back just as tight. "Now go upstairs and go to sleep" He unwrapped his arms from around me, kissed me on the cheek and started walking to my door. "Alessia!"
"Yeah?"
"Don't forget. I'm just a call away if you have one of those dreams okay?" I nodded my head at him in response as he walked out of my front door, and I went to lock it. As I was walking up the stairs to my room I couldn't help but to think about what Danny had said. Throughout the day I actually forgot about the dreams I have which sadly are a side effect of the medicine my doctor is forcing me to take. Basically I will either have the best dreams of my life, or some of the worst dreams which do nothing but in my opinion mess me up even more. They don't know what triggers which dream I will have, and honestly I don't either. I just know that every night I have a constant freight on whether I'll be okay in my dreams, or if the depression will still haunt me even in the only place that should be my escape from this hell. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep once I was out the shower and surrounded by the comfort of my bed. Nothing was truly dark for a long amount of time because my dream quickly took over.
The sounds of mumbled voices talking swarmed around my head
"Mama Miller..."
"Yes honey?"
"Do I have your permission to take Alessia out somewhere today?" I know that voice. That's Danny's voice. I heard my mom's laughter ringing from downstairs.
"Of course baby, I don't even know why you still ask that, you two have been dating for almost a year now." Dating? Danny and me?
" I know...but I just don't want you to ever feel like I'm disrespecting you in any type of way"
"Danny, you've been in this house, and in Alessia's life since you were both little kids. I know the type of person you are, and there's no way I could ever think that you would be doing that...Now go get my daughter from upstairs and bring her out."
"Yes Ma'am." The voices quieted down and then the sounds of Danny walking heavily up my staircase. I heard my door open and I opened my eyes very slightly just enough to see Danny walking into my room. Danny sat down on the bed next to me and just stared at me for a while. I'm really hoping this is a dream right now, and that it's a good one because if something starts to happen to Danny's face or he does something to me I will murder him.
"I know you're awake princess." I quickly closed my eyes completely afraid of what could possibly be happening.
"Lessia open your eyes!" Danny laughed as he started to poke me.  "I know you're awake, stop playing." My eyes opened quickly as he begun to poke me more, knowing how ticklish I am.
"I'm up, I'm up!" I yelled in  between my fits of giggles as I wiggled around my bed trying to get Danny to stop poking me.
"Good, now get up, and get dressed I have a surprise for you."
"If it's a surprise why do I have to get up, or dressed?"
"Because it's a surprise outside of your house smarty."
"I knew that" I said sticking my tongue out at Danny as I got up, walked over to my dresser to get out a pair of jeans and a nice summer blouse.
"Good or more dressy?"
"Nope, that's perfect." Danny said looking at my outfit as he begun to lay back on my bed getting himself comfortable. I walked into my bathroom with the clothes I needed and begun my getting ready process that I knew Danny would complain about as soon as I got out of the bathroom. I sprayed my body with perfume and then walked out my bathroom to look at my full finished production in the full length mirror I had on the other side of the bathroom door. I saw Danny getting off of my bed in the reflection from the mirror and stand behind me.
"Are you done now?" He placed his arm on top of my head and leaned on it.
"Yes, I am" I said taking my arm and pushing his head and arm off of me. "But if you don't get off my hair I won't be leaving this room. I worked too damn hard on this twist out!" I half yelled, half laughed to him.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Danny pulled me into a hug thinking this would help with my mock anger towards him. "But we have to go so that we have enough time at you surprise, okay?"
"Ay-aye Captain. Leggo!" I exclaimed pointing towards my door. Danny grabbed a bag out the corner of my room that I didn't even know that he had and proceeded to walk down the stairs with me.
"What's in the bag Daniel?"
"That's not my name Alessia! And it's part of the surprise so I'm not telling you." Danny looked at my pushing my slowly towards the back of the couch that my mother was sitting on.
"Good morning sweetie. Nice to see you awake."
"Good morning Mom, apparently Daniel here has a surprise for me."
"My name isn't Daniel!" Danny yelled beside me annoyed.
"Shh Danny! My mom is trying to talk!" I giggled looking at him. My mom looked at the both of us and laughed. 
"I know about his surprise Alessia. Go have fun, I'll see you later."  With that I kissed my mom on the cheek and headed out the door with Danny heading for his car.
"So where are we going?" I asked hoping he would tell me and not make me wait. Instead of the answer I was hoping for I got a laugh from Danny as he threw the bag he took from my room into the backseat of his car.
"Do you not know what a surprise is Miller?!"
"I do, but you know I hate them!"
"Oh well! Look's like you're about to be mad for the next hour then" Danny laughed and then pulled out of the driveway. The first half hour of the car ride was extremely silent until I begun to bother Danny.
"Wanna play a game?" I smiled over at him.
"Sure. What games?"
"21 questions?"
"I don't think that game really works for us..." Danny chuckled and glanced over at me.
"Why's that?" I feel like I knew why but I wasn't entirely sure.
"I don't know...I just feel like 21 questions is a game that's more for people that don't know a lot about each other... but we've grown up together, we were best friends basically our whole life. We already know everything about each other. " I guess he was right on that one.
"That's true....Do you have any other game ideas?" I turned in my seat to face him.
"Truth or dare?"
"Sure. That works...You go first?"
"Yeah..Truth or dare Lessi?"
"Truth."
"What really helped your depression go away?"
"Honestly? The help from you and my mom."  The car stopped in front of the beach and Danny smiled at me.
"Your turn Danny...Truth or dare?"
"Truth"
"What helped your depression go away"
"You." Danny smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me.
    The sound of my phone ringing loudly echoed through my head, then the echo of beeps that meant that I had a new text message and then my head went quiet for a while. But my body wasn't, something was being thrown at my body. My eyes quickly opened and the first thing I saw when my eyes registered to the brightness that sadly was my room was Danny with a notebook in hand.
"Good morning dork."
"Good morning nerd." I mumbled in response.
"How'd you sleep? I didn't hear my phone go off last night."
"Actually really good...best dream I've had in a long time." I broke my eye contact with him and glanced at my hands.
"That's good. What was it about?" I continued to stare down knowing that if i looked at him and didn't respond the truth he would know right away.
"Um puppies...and bands..." I replied quickly.
"Puppies and bands? Really now?"
"Yupp."
"That was all?"
"Yupp..."
"Hmm...are you sure? Cause you were definitely saying my name in your sleep" Danny said smirking at me. I mumbled shit and looked up at him.
"What exactly did I say?"
"You didn't say much but I wanna know what you dreamed about." I sighed and looked at him knowing he wasn't going to leave me alone until I told him what the dream was about.
"Basically you were driving us somewhere, you wouldn't tell me where, we played truth or dare and according to both our answers we were free of the crappy life of depression."
"Wow...That sounds more like some future insight than a dream."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that I believe it.. I can see us being depression free...did we say what helped us? Please tell me it's not these damn drugs!"
"It actually wasn't...apparently it was each other." Danny smiled at me and walked closer to my bed.
"I also see that being true." I smiled back at him and glanced down. My mom's voice interrupted our nice silence with her walking into the room.
"Danny come downstairs for breakfast, Alessia, get ready for school. " We both looked at her and just nodded. Danny walking out of my room behind my mom to go eat, and me getting off of my bed preparing to get ready. As soon as I swung my legs off of my bed I saw nothing but paper on the floor surrounding my bed. Something was written on one of the papers in black ink 'I love you, don't ever forget that.' It was obvious it was from Danny, and based off of the rapid beats of my heart it was something that made me happy. Only if he meant it the way that I meant it.
    Before I knew it we were both back inside of Danny's car and on our way to prison... I mean school.
"I have some bad news..." Danny looked at me from the corner of his eye as he locked the car and we were walking towards the school entrance. I hate bad news.
"What is it?"
"I have a therapy appointment today. They might be taking me off my meds..or at least giving me lower doses." I was confused. Why would he think of this as being bad news? That's great! That means he's getting better! I guess he was able to read the confusion off of my face because he started speaking again, "I have to leave right before lunch so I won't be here for any of our classes together but I should be done in enough time to pick you up from school." He smiled at me in hopes of that keeping me from being upset. I sighed and looked down but continued to walk with him.
"It's fine. I can handle these jerks"
"You sure? I can write a message all over the lockers to keep them from messing with you" He smirked down at me. My laughter was all of the response that he really needed.
"Sir, you writing on the lockers isn't going to do anything but get you in trouble and make you look like someone you're not."
"How do you know that's not the type of person I am?"
"Because I've known you longer than you've known yourself."
"Alessia...i'm older than you....by 5 months"
"And your point is?" Danny laughed and shoved me gently.
"You have some problems Miller."
"Yupp, problems that you seem to like."
"Shush." I looked at him laughing. Danny walked with me to my 1st period, I guess because he felt bad that he would be leaving me alone in school. Normally we just went our separate ways to get to class.
    The day dragged on for what felt like forever. I guess my days are a lot harder without Danny. I didn't realize till today that talking to him, and even just seeing him throughout the day helps to make all of this a little more bearable. The dismissal bell rang informing all of us that the day, and the week was finally over. I don't think I ever ran out of that school as fast as I did today. I rushed out the front doors and straight to Danny's car that was parked right at the end of the walkway.
"Danny!!!!! You're saving me!" Danny's laughter filled the car.
"Well hello to you too Alessia."
"Hi Danny...How'd the doctors go?"
"Really good actually...I am currently med free." I looked over at him with a mixture and shock and happiness for him.
"Are you serious?! Congratulations Danny! I told you your depression was going to get better!"
"I know you did...and believe it or not, it was more because of you then because of the medicine." Danny smiled at me.
"I can't take credit for that."
"But you can, because it's true. I felt happier with you, you've helped me realize that life isn't as messed up as my mind makes everything seem." I didn't even know what to respond to him. I was in shock at the fact that I've helped him get over something that made him miserable, even while I was still living with the same thing. I was happy that he was genuinely happy, and better, and I had absolutely no clue how to respond to him other than to lean over and hug the living daylights out of him.
    Since today was Friday it was Danny and my all night movie day. It's been a tradition for Danny to stay out my house every Friday. We would usually order pizza and chinese and either sit in my room or the living room watching movies till one of us fell asleep. I'm guessing I will be the first one to fall asleep tonight. One minute I was listening to Danny talk and the next minute everything was black.
When colors started regaining into my vision I was in the passenger's seat of a car. When I looked towards my left I noticed that the car wasn't Danny's and that Danny wasn't the driver. It was my mom.
"Alessia I have a surprise for you. You're gonna love it!" my mom glanced at me as she continued to drive down the highway.
"Mom, I don't like surprises!." I said as I stared out of the window at the rain that was rapidly falling from the sky.
"I know you don't Les, but you're gonna love this!"
"Can you please just tell me where we're going." My mom sighed but then smirked at me.
"We're going into the city." The city? That's no help! There's so much that she could be surprising me with in New York!
"Are we going shopping? Eating? Broadway?" I asked my mind quickly going through any and every possible thing that we could be doing.
"I'm not telling you anymore than the fact that we are going into the city" my mom said with a laugh. The car ride was filled with the sounds of mid 70s to early 90s r&b music. I was in nothing but a calm and happy state.
"Lessi how are you and Danny?" I smiled at just the mention of his name. I looked up to respond to my mom.
"We're doing fi---" I couldn't finish what I was about to say. Something hit the front of the car with full speed and a large impact, all i could hear were the sounds of my mother's screams, the sounds of my own screams. I felt the car flip for what felt like 3 times, and felt the breaking glass scraping against my skin. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. When everything stopped spinning all I could see was red, was blood. Than everything went black.
    I woke up screaming and frantically crying. Danny ran into my room and all I could do was collapse into his arms.
"Alessia, Alessia what happened? What's wrong?"
"Danny my mom!" I screamed at him as I started to shake.
"What about your mom? What happened?"
"Danny my mom! We were in a car accident! There was a drunk driver or something on the wrong side of the highway and he ran straight into me and my mom and--" I was cut off from my frantic screaming by Danny's lips coming in contact with mine.
"Lessia calm down. It was a dream. You're fine. Your mom is fine. It's okay!"
"Danny it felt so real, I felt the glass, I saw all of the blood."
"Shh. Breathe, deep breaths." I listen to Danny's voice and tried to calm down. I looked down at my arms, and around my room trying to focus on the fact that it was just a dream. "Your mom is okay, You're okay. Everyone is okay, everything is fine." Danny sat on the floor in front of my bed with his arms wrapped around my body.
"Everything is okay...everyone is okay." I mumbled to myself trying to help convince my brain of the truth.
"Les..Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that" Danny whispered into my ear as he held me closer to his chest. I can do this, i can do this.
Maybe I don't actually need the medicine. Maybe Danny and my mom are really all the help that I need to be better, to get over depression.