Remembering Cameron

Chapter 6

Even though Cameron's parents only lived a few towns over, I still had downtime before she would arrive. Too much downtime.

I was now on the couch, keeping my eyes shut tightly and gripping the material beneath me.

'Exhausted'. This was the first word that came to my mind. I was utterly exhausted. I leaned back stiffly onto the couch, feeling my muscles instantly relax as I sank into the soft cushioning.

Unfortunately, I was not too lucky. Thoughts began to race around my mind. My head felt like it was about to explode. I'm not sure if this was from my hangover, sleep deprivation, or some other unknown reason. Maybe I was just imagining it.

Thoughts that had previously been deeply embedded as repressed memories rose to the surface, making their first appearance in a long time. I felt the blood pounding on my head and I felt a strange spinning sensation. These terrible thoughts and memories continued to swirl around my mind.

I sat up with a start, causing the pounding in my head to become worse. My eyes began to water. I wasn't sure if it was from the pain or from these overwhelming thoughts.

My hands flew to my head, clenching down tightly as I rocked back and forth in effort to make this awful pain stop.

Sleep. I just wanted to sleep. Instead, tears were leaking out of my scrunched shut eyes and my head was on the verge of detonation.

Thoughts about Cameron approached. No, I thought. Please no. To no avail, as they continued no matter how much I willed them away.

She doesn't love you. She left you.

"But I wanted her to leave. I wanted to be alone," I argued.

That doesn't matter. If she truly cared about you, she would've stayed.

"No!" I shouted. "She cared about me enough that she left, just as I had so desperately pleaded."

No. She left because you're holding her back. Look at her. She's a young, beautiful woman full of potential. She has the world in the palm of her hands. Now look at you. You're pathetic. Yeah, your mom died. So what? Get over it. Look at what a mess of your life you've created. You don't have a job. You dropped out of school. Your girlfriend left you. All for what! Your mother's death?! Get over it!

Just then the door opened and I saw the woman I was so hopelessly in love with standing before me. I stared at her in silence, admiring her indescribable beauty.

"Cam," I whispered. "Make it stop. Please."