Growing Pains

My Beautiful Prison

The golden sun, high in the sky. Goose lake. Goose lake has a bad rep. People used to throw dead bodies in the lake but that's not all. Rumor has it that a school bus full of kids was taken over. All little kids. Some person just killed the bus driver and ran the bus into the lake. The bus was never found.

Even knowing these horrific stories, this place is still one of the happiest places in my life. And here I am again. It's June and I'm exactly where I need to be.

Its so early in the summer. School isn't even out yet. No doubt the water is absolutely freezing. Not that we ever let that stop us before. We still come out every year.

This is our first jump of the year. Every year since I was twelve, my sister and I go out to the lake. We jump in even though we know it will be cold enough to turn our blood to ice. We do it to start the summer off. It's tradition. Not doing it would feel wrong. It wouldn't feel like summer. I long for the feeling of summer. Down to my very core.

There are three different places you can jump from at Goose lake. The small rock, I've jumped off of this rock a billion times. It's safe. Only a few feet away from the water. The rock beside it, you have to jump away from the rock to land safely, it's oddly places so a running start isn't much of an option. It's tricky but I've done it before and I could do it again if I really wanted to. And finally, the cliff.

The cliff is a demon I have yet to conquer. I have yet to even challenge it. The cliff is a long drop. I've heard enough horror stories to keep me from ever jumping but still, I feel like I have to. My sister always told me, until you can jump off the rock without hesitation, you aren't allowed to jump off the cliff.

Here we are. I'm sitting on the edge of the cliff. I want so desperately to jump into the blue water before me. It's clear as day and sparkling but I can't. I'm too scared to dive. I'm horrified that it will all go wrong.

My friends have already made their way into the water. Giddy with laughter. They call out to me and tease that they will push me in. I know that they wont so I laugh along and watch them for awhile longer. Splashing around, not a care in the world and all I want is to be anywhere but here. Far away from the place I adore, the place I call home.

I crave adventure. I want so badly to feel alive that it physically hurts. I'm staring out at the beautiful, open, scenery ahead of me and all I feel is trapped. I want nothing more than to leave this place.

Maybe this summer will finally offer it.

I dive in head first.