Symphony of Desire [Mature] ✔️

Chapter Fifteen

"It can't be unlearned. I've known the warmth of your doorway. Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you... It's a kindness you can't afford. I warn you baby each night as sure as you're born, you'll hear me howling outside your door. Don't you hear me howling, babe?" ~It Will Come Back, by Hozier 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Andray absent-mindedly traced the shape of Vesper's face on his phone. He was looking at this lone photo he has of her for who knows how long. The photo was taken at the bookstore where Vesper had bought a book for Katie. Vesper was smiling on the photo, her head bent down as she read the book on her hand. I feel so pathetic, he thought, yet he still continued to stare at the photo until he felt a hand on his shoulder and he snapped out of his pity-party. "Hey, Fred."

"Hey, man," Fred replied, eyeing his friend. "What's up with you these days?"

"Nothing interesting, as usual." The smell of Andray's favourite Scotch wafted to his nose as he brought the glass to his lips. However, he hesitated to take a gulp of his drink. He shook his head and angrily set the glass down the bar, to the surprise of Fred who was drinking his cognac.

"Okay, cut the crap, Andray. What happened? They told me you were here last week and you got sh!tfaced. Then, some girl took you home and the next day you came back here and got sh!tfaced again. And then you came back every night since then and repeated your actions. I was only gone for a week and it seems like some serious sh!t happened?" Fred cast a wary glance at his friend.

"She wasn't just 'some girl'," Andray muttered, running a hand through his hair.

"Are you telling me that—"

"I might have chased away the only girl who managed to breathe some life into me after all this time."

"Oh," Fred said, and patted Andray's shoulder.

"I fvcked up. I fvcked up big time, man."

"Well, if you're binge-drinking like this then this has got to be something serious. Want a stronger drink?"

Andray shook his head and pushed his glass away. "I wake up every day and there's this hollow feeling inside of me every time I realize that I can't reach out to her anymore. So I drank and drank because I want to get her out of my head." He let out a heavy sigh. Every time he thinks about Vesper brings a new ache to his chest. "But I realized that I don't ever want to forget her."

"I can only listen to you, Dray. I don't know anything about what happened between the two of you. I guess I can say she's something special. Something changed about you. I noticed that about you the last time we talked."

"To say that she's special would be an understatement." A small smile appeared on Andray's lips as images of Vesper's own smile invaded his thoughts. His smile immediately disappeared, however, when he recalled the hurt expression on her face and the tears on her eyes when he said those god-awful things to her. "But still, I hurt her. I hurt her bad. I'm such a d!ck." He buried his face into the palm of his hands.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Fred asked.

"No. She probably won't take me back. Hell, she wasn't even mine to take back because I denied her that. Because I'm an assh0le. Because I'm a scaredy-ass who refused to take the risk for her even if the deserves much more. Because I'm such a pvssy who's afraid to get hurt again."

Fred released a heavy sigh. "That's it man, you haven't even tried. You're not her so don't jump into conclusions. That's what got you into this mess in the first place—you concluded that she'll only be like that good-for-nothing ex of yours. You said it yourself, man—she's special. Don't even try to compare her to that woman."