You came back

Can we play cops and robbers

Joe wanted things to be like before, kind of like when they used to play cops and robbers. He had soothed Jamie in the middle of the night.

[Flashback]

Joe was sound asleep in his bed, happy to be home and safe, and very much alive. He was glad to be here with Jamie. Jamie was tossing and turning, moaning in his sleep. Joe heard sounds, but he really thought nothing of it until, "Noooo. Not Joe. Please.". Joe heard this and rushed out of bed and into Jamie's room.

When he got to Jamie's room, he saw him thrashing about, tangled in the sheets. Joe went over and shook him awake. "Jamie... Jamie wake up!" Joe said, trying to wake him up.

Jamie struggled and then finally after a few minutes woke up. He saw Joe and reached out, hugging him around the waist, and started to cry. "Don't leave me." Jamie said between hiccups and sobs.

Joe looked down at him and his heart broke. He felt his heart shatter and he knew he had really hurt Jamie bad. 'I did this. I made him have these nightmares, and this fear.' Joe thought. He rubbed Jamie's back and waited for him to settle and calm before asking questions. He looked terrible, Joe felt around for his pulse, and when he checked his wrist he found it to be elevated, mostly likely from a heart wrenching, horrific nightmare. He knew there was trauma, and that he had caused it. Jamie was shaking and he couldn't stop.

Joe had a few ideas about how to soothe him, but he went with the best one a story. "When you were about 4 or 5 years old, you used to have bad nightmares. You would come into my room with your bear Watson and you would ask to sleep with me. I always let you in and would rub your back and help you settle in and fall back asleep." Joe said. Jamie was surprised, that Joe could remember something like this. He was shocked and he felt oddly relieved that Joe was telling him a story. He felt less upset, because he knew that Joe was good at comforting him. He had to admit even if only to himself, that he forgot things, important things about Joe. He felt ashamed about that.

"I was always there for you, until I wasn't. I... I wasn't the source of your nightmares then, but I am now and it kills me." Joe admitted.

Jamie settled down after about 10 minutes, and Joe got curious. "Want to talk about it?" Joe asked.

Jamie nodded no, but Joe said "Talking about it might help."

Jamie thought about it for a moment, before finally speaking. "I saw all the dirty cops, the ones from the warrant squad, and they crowded around you and watched as you bled to death, begging for a bus." Jamie said.

Joe broke and let his own tears fall. "Oh Jamie.... I'm so sorry. That must have been so painful, so unbearable to see in your dreams." Joe tried to soothe him, and it seemed to work a little, but Jamie was still shaking.

"I can't...." Jamie made sobbing sounds. "I can't.... lose you. I need you Joe. Please don't leave me." Jamie begged and pleaded.

Joe hugged him close and rested his head on top of Jamie's. It was so hard to see him like this, but he knew this was his punishment for leaving. He had to see Jamie like this, so he could understand the extent of the damage he had caused. 'I ruined him, and it could take years to fix this.' Joe thought.

Joe had Jamie's head pressed to his chest and he had his arms wrapped around him, whispering soothing nothings in his ear. He eventually fell asleep in Joe's arms, with Joe maneuvering them into a laying down position, blankets on top of them.

[End flashback]

"Hey Jamie. How are you feeling this morning?" Joe inquired.

He set a cup of tea in front of him and smiled lovingly. "If we're being honest, like crap, but if we are being really really honest, a little better because I have you." Jamie replied.