Dormant

Emily

It's been a while since I've stepped foot out of my bedroom door. In fact it's been a while since I've gotten out of my bed. I'd only ever get out of bed if I'm desperate to use the bathroom or to eat. If I had it my way I wouldn't eat at all.

I was beginning to fall asleep when I heard a knock on the door, although I knew it was only early in the day I didn't want to open it, I wanted to sleep. My sleeping pattern has been messed up for 5 months now I'd say. It doesn't bother me but it appears to bother my family a lot.

Social workers.

I opened up the door only slightly to see their faces. My two social workers stood behind the door with worried smiles on their makeup-covered faces. I opened the door as I walked over to my bed.

'Emily' Michelle, one of the younger, prettier social worker spoke.

'When is the last time you showered girl?, or even looked in the mirror!'

'Leave her alone, she's been through enough!' Bethany remarked rubbing my shouldar.

I smiled a fake smile just to let them know I still had emotions.

'I will be out in 15 minutes, ill go shower and clean myself up' I said as I got off the bed. I knew if I hadn't of said this they'd force me to shower anyway,they seem to always win. Don't get me wrong I do love them both and they help me a hell of a lot but sometimes I wish I could make my own decisions.

They both nodded and left the room calmly.

After I showered I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a stringy top. I dried my hair with my towel as best I could and then left the rest to dry naturally.

On the way out of the bathroom I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. It seems like forever since I saw myself. I looked.. Different. I was paler, my cheek bones were more evident and I could see that my curves that I had almost a year ago were gone. It was clear that I had lost a lot of weight, but that's the last thing I was worried about. I had dark circles around my eyes and I could see that they were slightly bloodshot. Oddly enough it isn't from lack of sleep, knowing me it was probably from over-sleeping.

I sat at the kitchen table next to Michelle. Bethany was across from me and my mother was standing in the doorway. She gave me a false smile which I ignored by blinking my eyes and looking at the floor.

'How are you feeling today Emily dear?'  Bethany questioned as she pulled out a refill pad and a pen.

'Good..' I lied still focusing on the tiled floor.

'Okay and what about food?'

'Food?' I don't think much of food if I'm honest.

'Do you eat enough food? Do you get the right amount of minerals per day? You know it's good for you and your recovery to be eating the right foods and amount.' Michelle added worryingly.

My mother cut in and spoke like she knew me 'Emily eats when she wants to, we make sure she gets the right amount each day but it's not everyday when she would eat it.  We do our best and so does she'

I gave my mother a glance that made her look away.

After about ten minutes more of questioning and talking I was told to leave so that they could speak to my mother. I headed up to my room and of course straight to my bed.

After about ten minutes I drifted off into sleep. I wasn't sure how I was even tired but I was too comfy to wake up.

The next thing I remember I was being dragged out of my bed by.. by a stranger.. It didn't feel real the room was darker and I'd never seen this man before. My body seemed different like I was younger or if I wasn't me... I was screaming and crying but my voice didn't sound like my voice. The man dragged me out to his car and threw me in the boot. Even if this wasn't real it felt like I was living it. I took in every single detail of the boot. I even remember the pattern printed on a bag I was laying on.

All of a sudden I woke up unable to breathe. I was back in my bed again. I was sweating like crazy and not being able to breathe made it worse. My mother heard me struggling and came running into my room with my medication. I took it, desperately swallowing the pills with a cold glass of water.

My mother sat on the bed next to me holding me tightly and she sat there until I fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning with the sunlight shining into my eyes through a crack in the curtains.

Another nightmare.

I sat up in my bed remembering last night and how real the dream I had felt. It only feels real to me because it was.

My past wasn't exactly the brightest but..it's over now and I'd much prefer to leave it in the past where it belongs.

I got out of bed hesitantly and decided to get dressed. I put on my tracksuit and a hoodie. I wanted to leave my house for a while but I wasn't sure if I should or not.

About twenty minutes or so of walking back and forward debating to myself weather to go out or not I decided for it. I rushed down my long red carpeted stairs and straight for the door.

Before anyone could notice my presence I opened the door and shut it quietly behind me.

I ran down the driveway and then turned left.

I was trying to focus on my breathing as I ran faster and faster but all I could really focus on was the world that I've missed. I could tell by the trees that it was mid-spring. There was flowers blossoming all around me. I missed it. I missed the nature and the fresh air.

After a while of running I began to feel very light-headed. Of course I ignored it but the next thing I remember is falling.

When I woke up there was a boy looking down at me. He said something but I couldn't make out his words or even his face. My eyesight was fuzzy. He helped me to my feet and then everything went back to normal.

I finally looked to see who had helped me.

When I saw his face I think my heart skipped a million..no a zillion beats, lirterally.

I just wanted to know who he was. He had these really beautiful eyes with a bit of green, blue and brown in them, his hair was styled perfectly and he had this really cute accent.

I began to realize I was staring. I remembered that he asked for my name. 'Eh..Emily' I stuttered

'You alright?.. You kinda er .. Fell on the pavement..' He phrased awkwardly.

'Yep..just having a rest..' I said trying to lighten the mood.

'I'd recommend a bed haha. I'm Jay and I'm in a serious rush but can I see you again?'

'Bye Jay' I said jogging away before he could say anymore.

I couldn't see him again, the only people I'd be likely to say I'd see again is my family, reluctantly..

I live with my Mam and my younger sister Sophia in a not so large house in the east of Cali. Originally my family and I are Irish. Living in California was forever a dream of my mothers and when my father left us we packed up and got ready to start our new life over here.

5 glorious years later and here we are. 17 year old me with a terrible social life. I think my only true friend is the postman..that's depressive for anybody at any age..