When my last boyfriend broke up with me. I was told by my sisters fiance that it wouldnt be the last time i got hurt by a boy and that each time it would hurt more. When i got home that night i sat on my shower floor as the water ran down my lifeless and cried but it wasnt a loud cry. It was a slient cry where i had my hands over my mouth while the tears ran down my face and my body shook. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I didnt and still dont eat as much. I started to worry my mom with how little i ate. I finally got put of my house and went to my best friends house. Since im not giving out names we are gonna say her name is L. L convinced me to go to her house so we can talk about what happened how im feeling and to make me feel better. I just ended up feeling worse than i was before cause we kinda just talked about everything and it brought all the feelings again. Which ended up with me texting him to get back with me. L ended up having a panic attack on the phone with her boyfriend (who is now her ex). She was hurting as much as i was and fuck did it hurt. When he left for college i died inside and i dont even know why i should have been happy i wasnt gonna have to see him anymore. He recently texted me asking if i wanted to go to a cranival with him and his friend. I freaked out i started to shake and hyperventilate i didnt like it. It freaked my one friend out cause she didnt know what was going on. Im scared to see him. I dont know how i would act if i did. It scares me cause i have a boyfriend and i dont know what i would do if he tried to act like we did when we were together.I just dont like how much he hurt me and im scared if i let him back in my life im going to het hurt by him again. He started telling people that we had sex and that i sent him nudes. It was all lies. I dont want him back in my life but at the same time i do. I dont know what i should do cause obviously he is a bad person to have in my life but he meant so much to me just thinking of letting him go hurts.
