Hello, everyone. This is my story. I have had nightmares with my eyes closed and open, with me lying in bed or standing. There are two nightmares that out do every other, one's tear-worth and the other are something you can't fix. (I call my problems nightmares because people call goals dreams) Most of my nightmares are fixable. There was this one time my vision got blurry because bleach got in my eyes. The pain hurt like hell and I couldn't see individual fingers on my hand for days. What happened was a spider with fuzzy legs ran across the kitchen floor. My Aunt Sivia saw it, grabbed a bleach bottle while I herded it to a corner (I wasn't afraid of spiders). My aunt crushed its eight legs and its oval center! She crushed it so forcefully that the bleach bottle broke. A wave of whitener drowned my sight. The pain was gruesome, but I got my vision back. My Aunt Sivia never had the best ways to solve a nightmare unlike my Aunt Madeline who helped me get the bleach out. She poured drops of water onto my eyes. Wish my worse nightmares were curable with water. Madeline is favorite family member. She's a hippie type. My mom didn't have much of an impact on the incident. She kind of just stood and watched like the whole dilemma was staged. This house has only estragon, no testosterone. I haven't seen any person of testosterone in weeks. Just so I'm certain you know what I'm talking about I'll tell you. Estragon is the female sex hormone that causes a soft voice and boobs. Testosterone is the male sex hormone that is responsible for violence and strength causing violence. I learned that from Aunt Madeline. She home schools me.
Regular school is no good for me. I could go to school and have the experience of being yelled at by teachers who don't understand why I fall asleep in class. There's a reason I fall asleep in class. It's not laziness or lack of motivation it's because of my disorder. I shall explain: I'm sleeping, yes? Then I wake up screaming. Sometimes I don't know why because I can't remember. When I do remember I write them in my night journal. What do I write? My horrific nightmares; due to my Nightmare Disorder.
I hate to tell you this but there isn't much we can do, said the doctor. There isn't medicine for this but there is treatment options that may help, said the psychologist.
This is just something that will go away on its own if you consider doing yoga, exercise, or a hobby, said the therapist.
None of these helped. I did yoga even though I am not flexible. I ran around the lake even though there are snakes, I started piano lessons but I could never remember the measures. No treatment worked. Conclusion: there is no hope for Clover Smith!
My name Clover comes from-nowhere. Aunt Madeline calls me four-leaf sometimes. As in four-leaf Clover. Maybe Madeline thought of the name.
However four-leaf Clover's are known for fortune, my story is not a fortunate one.
1986
April 24
"Leave tomorrow or we'll fill this bowl with your blood." The soldiers told us, one of them gestured to the bowl I ate supper from. We were at gunpoint and in no position to argue. Their rifles puked my head. I pretended to gather my things. The soldiers saw the act. They walked out our house, satisfied. I saw them go to harass anew family.
I looked at my Aunts. Their frowns were as solid as a statues. Their eyes lost shine. We stared at one another, waiting for a suggestion.
"We're going on a trip, ladies, let's start packing," said Aunt Madeline. She walked to the kitchen, grabbed a bag, and started picking up food and valuables. I went to the couch and wrapped my blanket around my shoulders.
