I'm looking but the only thing I see is a dim shadow, a deep shallow girl. The deeper I looked the darker it got, like there's no mirror just a dark black hole. The temperature is rising up I feel the warmth in the depth of my heart and I cannot help but let it in. Isn't that what all of this is about, letting your pain in?
I turned my scarred face from the mirror, looked underneath my feet. I'm on the brink. The edge of my remorse. I felt the chilling air vying down my spine, trying to reach my bases, cold it up so I fall. Fall so steep, that the giant flames eat me with their voracious arms.
Ready to let go, he came. Feeling blue and happy isn't a good compound. That was me, there in front of him, replete with words but powerless to express. Like an automation in *1953. Being unable to describe, and out of my words, he gently reached up on me and I heard "hello".
A hello softer than a pillow, steadier than the ground and kinder than a mother. I was indiscriminate of my tongue so the words were flipping out on their own. More shaky than the earthquake I said "HI".
"Are you going to jump?" that was the key to break me into pieces. Leaning me into my knees and bringing all of my reasons in front of my eyes. Having hypothetical love for the people who betrayed me. Disappointment in people who I loved the most. Things that blacked up my soul and killed me alive. Loving things I didn't have or loving someone that didn't love me; giving unconditional love.
Passing by all of my lifetime annals in just a flash. Tinging the start of it, the first black dot. It was hard to endure the pain of always being disappointed. In my last thoughts, I stuck with the most unknown answer "Maybe".
I was starting to break my ice. we were having a conversation. I was surrender in his realm. He was trying to pour oil on my troubled waters noting was tuning down. As I was eating my anger and swallowing my feelings, I asked the question that I was asking my entire life
"Why?"
"You were the chosen one, the fighter." I didn't want to be the fighter I wanted my life loving and normal but everything always happened in the paradoxical way.
Abound of answers were crossing through my mind though I killed it up with depth of my silence and watered up eyes. The memories of my past were lighting up more and more. My life was a pig in a poke.
"I had never prognosticated that I might end up like this, I always had hope." I said it more clearly than ever. "I implore you to take this interminable pain of living before I end it." His response to my fragment changed the whole direction on our conversation.
"Would you come with me before you end it?" I wanted to see, so I took a step back from the rim, he was leading me to the mirror so I followed him.
The giant black hole was appearing on the mirror again. The more steps that we took; we would got closer to the reflection of my soul.
"Look carefully and tell me what you see?" I wanted to start badgering him but I refused and looked and said "Darkness" He asked me to look again, I did but couldn't change my mind.
The bright spot, that was the thing he was trying to show me. When I saw it all became clear. From my first breath there was always hope in me, instead of being raised by an evil queen I was raised in a matron hand.
Instead of having thousands of friends I have the friendship of my own one of the purest. I had perceived what a drudgery life I had but that spot made it all fade away.
"See you are the eminent. One question has remained; who are you?" As I took a deep breath, I was preparing myself to eat the humble pie but then I grasped the best answer. I cleared up my mind and said:
"The Hoper."
