The Heart of Deception

Chapter 16

Sleep only came to Lauren as the night sky started to pale. When she finally did awake, it was to the sound of her niece gurgling beside her. Someone had set up the Disney baby gym on the bed, and Jessica was having a deep and meaningful conversation with Mickey Mouse.

Helen entered the room a minute later with a breakfast tray for two.

“Good morning sleepy head,” Helen grinned as she sat on the bed, positioning the tray safely between them. “We thought you were never going to wake up. Kurt insisted we were to leave you to sleep in this morning. He reckoned you two were up rather late last night.”

Lauren looked questioningly up at her friend, her face pale, with darkened rings under her eyes.

“He’s in his study working,” said Helen, accurately reading her expression. “He said he might be tied up for quite a while this morning. He doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

Lauren nodded silently as she helped herself to a warmed croissant. Even with her favourite jam, the pastries were like cardboard in her mouth. She eventually abandoned the croissant in favour of a mug of tea. Absently wrapping her hands around the mug, she watched with a smile as the baby chattered to the dangling plastic characters.

“Are you going to tell me what happened last night, or do I have to resort to torture to get information out of you?” demanded Helen impatiently, mockingly threatened her with a butter knife.

“I guess you could say I told him the truth.” She took in the stunned look on Helen’s face. “Well, almost.”

Lauren related most of the events of the night before, skimming over its passionate conclusion. Helen was not easily fooled.

Pointing to the small pile of sweaty running gear on the floor, she raised an amused eyebrow. “You went jogging in the middle of the night? Cold showers are meant to do the trick too, aren’t they?”

Lauren blushed to the ears, as she shook her head with amazement. Helen missed nothing. Her friend lightly touched the plain gold band on her own left hand. As she gazed down at it, her expression softened, and a small smile played on her lips.

“About thirteen years ago, I was working on my first rotation after I graduated, on a gastro-intestinal ward. On my second day, an amazing bloke walked in. He turned out to be an undercover cop. He had the most gorgeous grey eyes, and long, thick black hair. It was almost down to his waist, and tied back with a leather thong. Six foot one, and built like a Greek god. He wasn’t Greek though,” she laughed. “He was Welsh and he just about knocked my socks off. I had to admit him to the ward. I became an absolute klutz! I couldn’t do a single thing right. I kept dropping everything.

“He eventually took the thermometer from my hand, and put down the stethoscope. He then took both my hands in his, and said, ‘How about starting again Helen. I’m Llewellyn, and you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.’” Helen sighed as memories flooded back to her. “Before I knew it, I was in his arms, being kissed like I’d never been kissed before. It was amazing. Thank heavens the curtains were drawn around the bed. I’d have hated to try to explain that to anyone. He looked even more stunned than I felt. His words were, ‘Where have you been all my life?’ I know it sounds a little corny, but at the time, I also felt as if I’d been waiting forever for him to come along.

“He’d never been in hospital as a patient before. He’d only come in for a hernia repair, but that’s not all they found. They couldn’t stop the bleeding in theatre, and he needed a blood transfusion. Later on, tests showed he had leukaemia. I was devastated. I’d only just met the man of my dreams, and he was going to die.”

Helen shook her head, her sad eyes meeting Lauren’s. “Llewellyn was remarkable. When he left the ward a week later, he’d organised his first chemotherapy appointment, and our first date. Everyone thought I was a head case. Dating a man who was terminally ill had no future. I knew it. He knew it. After our first date, I went back to his place, and never left. A week later, we were married. It was a very quiet wedding, with just our parents, his two best mates and Kurt. It was so romantic. Three days later, he started chemotherapy. He lost so much weight, and all his beautiful hair. But he always kept a positive attitude - always so cheerful.

I used to do most of my crying whenever I was alone. It was difficult to be anything but light-hearted around him. His optimism and enthusiasm were so contagious. The hospital staff, and the other patients, especially the chemo kids loved him to bits. We held onto life with both hands, and lived each day as if it was our last. He went into remission twice and died two days after our fourth wedding anniversary.” A solitary tear slid down Helen’s cheek, as she shook her head with a smile. “He always thought he’d live for ever.”

Lauren looked stunned. “You never regretted it?”

“No. Never,” she whispered. “My only regret is we never had any children. The chemotherapy saw to that. I’d have given anything to have had his baby. I think he would have loved to have been a dad too.”

Helen began to look a little uncomfortable. Her blue eyes met Lauren’s, as her fingers began to pull apart one of the croissants on the tray. “I suppose what I’m trying to say Rusty, is this - you don’t have much time left. I at least had four years with Llewellyn. You have less than four weeks to go with Kurt. Then, Diane will be back, and you’ll have nothing. As you said, he doesn’t seem to know the difference. I know a few weeks with him will be small compensation for what you’ve gone through, and the agony you’re going to go through when you leave here.” Helen took her friend’s hands in hers. “But, believe me, it will mean everything to you when you look back. You’ll have memories no-one will ever be able to take away from you.”

“Do you think I haven’t thought of that myself?” Swallowing a lump in her throat, Lauren slowly shook her head. “I have no right too, Helen. I’m not his wife. Bedding my brother-in-law would be adultery, and dragging an innocent man into adultery would be unforgivably deceitful.” She looked down at their clasped hands, and gave a pathetic laugh. “I’m sure I’m only getting what I deserve. In fact I’m probably getting off lightly. Diane and I should never have done what we did.”

Helen got up as she shook her head. Moving to sit next to Lauren, she gathered her up in her arms. “I’m sorry Rusty. I shouldn’t have suggested it. I just can’t stand to see you so unhappy,” said the older woman quietly, stroking her hair. “Maybe one day you’ll find someone else ….” 

Hopelessness caused a hollow feeling to ebb into her soul. There was only one man she wanted. Only one man she craved. Lauren somehow doubted there’d ever be anyone else.