I Keep On Forgetting To Forget About You (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter Two

Hey guys. Ok, so I've decided that I'm gonna go back and forth between the point of views for this story. So it's gonna rotate between Harry and Kinsley the whole time. I feel like it will make the story flow better. And by the way, if you were wondering, I picture Kinsley as Camila Cabello. Ya know, that girl from fifth harmony? Ok, we'll here's chapter two.

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Harry's P.O.V

Hope.

It's a beautiful thing, but it can also be destructive. Yes, it does keep us holding on. But sometimes, for things that will never come.

I feel like I'm waiting. Like I'm waiting for something, or maybe for someone. Someone that can make all my problems go away. Someone who can make me happy again.

Hell, I don't even know what happiness is anymore.

I've felt so sad lately.

It almost makes me sick, the way sadness it addicting. The ways I can't stop. Sadness is too familiar. It's comfortable and it's easy in a sense that it comes naturally to me.

But everything else about it is hard.

The way my body aches with self-hatred. The way my mind spins and spins with hopeless thoughts. The way it poisons everything I do, every relationship I have. Yet it's addicting, because I know sadness, I know it very well.

And there's sort of a comfort in that, kinda like coming back home after a long trip, or sleeping in your own bed after being away for a long time.

And it's been like this for so long, that I am beginning to think that this is where I belong. That this is how it's supposed to be. I guess it's just easier to think that, rather than having to face the fact that I'm all alone with this.

It all started after Taylor and I broke off. The 'fans', they're all so vicious. They always try to tear me down, every chance they get. Have you read some of things everyone's been saying?

I tried to hard to ignore it; to act like I was fine. But after awhile, you can't keep pretending.

How are you supposed to act like you're fine when everyday thousands of people are calling you 'man whore' or 'womanizer.?' How are you supposed to stay strong when people tell you that you 'have no talent' or that 'you don't deserve to be in the band?'

Seeing all if stuff being said towards me, it hurts. It hurts like hell. I just don't get it though, none of these people even know me. So why do they always have to try and tear me down?

It's all gotten too much.

As most of all, I'm angry. All this anger for everyone and everything has just seemed to be boiling up inside of me. I just hold it all in, waiting to blow up on the next person that talks to me. I feel bad, but I can't help it. I feel like a monster is taking over me, controlling me.

I've changed, and I don't feel like I know myself. People always say that when you changed it helps you find who you really are, but right now what's happening is the total opposite. The more I change, the more lost I feel.

Everyone says they know what I'm going through, or that it's just a phase and I should be better in no time. In my opinion it's all utter bullshit. No one understands. Nobody.

I was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Go away," I screamed.

What do they not understand? I don't want to be bothered. Why else's do they think that I locked myself in my room in the first place?

"Come on Harry, unlock the door," I heard Niall's accent say from the other side of my bedroom door.

Hearing his voice just made me even more angry. Long story short, I hate Niall right now.

Every since the fans starting talking things too far with our whole Larry Stylinston joke, management has forced us to not converse that much when in public. They won't even let us sit next to each other during an interview.

Do you know how hard it is being told how you and your best friend have to act around each other? It was already hard enough on top of everything else going on in my life.

I know you're probably wondering what Niall has to do with this. Well, ever since Louis and I have been told not to be seen together that much in public, Niall had to come along and completely take Louis away for me. It's like Niall just replaced me. Nouis Horansin is the new Larry as the fans would say.

Louis and I don't even talk anymore. I miss him to be honest. I miss coming to him for girl advise. Or having him comfort me at a time when I was sad. Or how we would stay up all night and watch movies. We were like brothers.

But now, I'm lucky if he even glances at me. I don't get what I did wrong.

He just completely ignores me. And sure, I've been pushing everyone out lately, but this has been going on long before I became this depressed.

"What the hell, I said go away," I screamed again, putting a pillow over my head.

"Harry, please," Niall pleaded, wiggling the doorknob again.

I stayed silent, refusing to unlock the door. After a few minutes I hear him let out a sigh, followed by his footsteps walking back downstairs where everyone else was.

Don't get me wrong, I love the boys. It's just, I was sick of them trying to help me.

They don't understand me. They never will understand me.

And I know that they are just trying to help me, but who ever said I wanted to be saved?