The Ana Project

The Ana Project {Introduction}

I stared at the open notebook in front of me. I had been sitting cross-legged on my bed trying to write for what seemed like forever now. My mind was empty. All I could focus on was the sound of slamming doors and my parents screaming at each other downstairs. Oh and one other thing that had been on my mind a lot lately... For the past few months since getting back from my trip to Mexico, all that was on my mind was my weight. Every time I stood in front of my mirror, all I saw was the fat. That damn mirror, standing tall in my bedroom waiting to taunt me. That's all mirrors are good for: They make it their duty to point out every imperfection. And that damn scale. It's the first thing I think of in the morning.
"Go. I know you want to see how much weight you have lost. Stop postponing the inevitable, I know you're going to do it some time or another. So go, see how much you weigh," my mind seems to whisper as I creep towards the small scale in my bathroom.
I can't help it. My weight is always on my mind. Every second of every minute of everyday. That's all I could think of. I want to be like those girls you see on the Internet. With their hip bones and their ribs and their fucking thigh gaps. I want to be that. I need to be that. And no this isn't a cry for help for boys to notice me, no I'm not trying to hurt myself, and no I'm not an attention seeking whore. I want to prove everyone wrong about my fatness. My whopping 140 lbs of fat. I want people to talk behind my back about how skinny I've gotten. I'd rather die skinny than live disgusting. I hate my body, and I'm not going to stop until I get to see those bones I knew as a child...