Song: 'Wherever You Will Go' - Charlene Soraia
50 St John's Grove, London, N19, England.
9th November 2014
My Darling Harry,
This is the most difficult letter I will ever write and sadly it is to you, the person I love most with all my heart. Please promise me that you will remember this as you read on.
I have not been entirely truthful with you and for that I feel unimaginable guilt. I tried to talk to you at the hospital but each time I summoned up the courage, when I looked at you I just couldn't do it. I am so sorry.
Even though I didn't know I was pregnant and even though it would never have become the greatest gift in our lives, the pain and grief at losing our child is overwhelming. I know you feel it too. The hurt and confusion is real and raw but neither of us are at fault or to blame; it was simply never meant to be.
I am grieving though not only for the loss of our child but also because I have lost the opportunity to have anymore children. It brings to the fore the reality of how fragile life is and how happiness can turn to sadness so quickly that our lives change forever, never to be the same again.
I must set you free. I will not ask you to make a choice between being with me or having children. I will not stand in the way and deny you the opportunity to be the most amazing Dad I know you will be.
Please try and understand this is not a decision I have taken lightly. I love you and you love me but sometimes love is not enough. Sometimes we have to do the right thing even though it's not what we want to do and we know it will cause pain to those closest to us. Ultimately however, it is the right decision and time will be a great healer for us both.
You are the most beautiful person inside and out. I am so lucky to have known you; I am richer for it. You have brought light back into my world; a brightness I never thought I would see again. You have brought belief back into my life; a confidence to be the best me I can be. And most importantly, you have brought love back into my heart; a happiness I never thought I could feel ever again.
Your soul is truly blessed. You are a special person who is easy to love. Your passion for everyone and everything around you is unique. I am still smiling because I know you will find love again and she will adore you as much as I do. My one wish for you is the opportunity to experience a happy family life. You deserve to lavish all that love that flows inside of you onto your own children.
Harry, you will always be with me in my heart but for now I must say goodbye.
Love, always.
Natasha x
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