The Reason

Chapter 4

AN: Hope you'll like it :D 

The next day, Kate was woken by her alarm. She had to get to work and drop Phoebe off at the kindergarten.

She got up, went to take a quick shower and woke up the 5 years old. "Good morning sweetie, time to get up." She patted her lightly on her cheek and put a kiss right there.

"I don't want to get up, mommy. I wanna stay in bed." Phoebe turned around and pulled the duvet over her head to hide herself from her mom.

"I have to get to work and you have to go to kindergarten, so get up honey." She pulled the blanket down a bit, trying not to be too hard, considering the fact that it was Monday and everyone hates to get up on Mondays.

"Nooo." Phoebe protested, sticking her head under her pillow.

"Phoebe Alexandra Beckett, get up, NOW!" Kate said in a harsher louder tone.

Grunting Phoebe got up and dressed, while Kate went to make breakfast for both of them. Ten minutes later they were both sitting at the kitchen table eating there toasts.

"Honey I am so sorry but grandma is going to pick you up today, I have to go to talk to someone and it's important but I will be home as soon as I can, okay?" Phoebes face fell immediately as her mom told her she wouldn't pick her up.

"Why is work always more important than me?" Phoebe had tears in her eyes and was angry.

"Honey, you are always more important than work. I love you so much and you will always be number one on my list, ok?" Kate pulled her daughter into her lap, putting a kiss on her head.

"Then why can't you come and pick me up yourself? You promised that you would get me today and that we would spend the day together."

"Honey I am so, so sorry, but what I have to do today is very important, as much as for me it is for you, okay? I think when I come home I have to explain you something." Kate looked into that deep blue eyes, who reminded her so much of Phoebe's father.

"What do you have to tell me? Did I do anything wrong? Are you sick, you are not sick are you? Please don't be sick." Again Phoebe's eyes were filled with tears.

"No honey, I am not sick and you didn't do anything wrong. Actually it's about something I did wrong a few years ago." Kate tried to smile, but failed. She had to tell her daughter that she had a father and that she ran away from him, even though she didn't know how he would react to the fact that she was pregnant. She had to deal with the fact that her daughter would probably hate her for keeping her father away from her. She had to deal with it, that probably her daughter wouldn't want to continue living with her, instead wanted to live with her father.

"Is it bad? What you did, I mean?"

"Well it was not nice and maybe after I tell you, you will never forgive me and hate me, but I thought it was the right decision to make back than and I really regret it now, that I did it." Now also Kate was close to crying. "I am going to tell you everything later honey, but now we have to go, or we both will be late." She put her daughter down and went to the front door to get on her shoes and coat, as did her daughter.

Later at her office Kate thought about either, if she would send Rick a message or call him. She went for sending him a message; she wasn't able to hear his voice and couldn't stand him yelling at her over the phone. But before she even began to type her phone vibrated.

I think you have to explain something. Meet me at the coffee shop across the book shop at lunch time, Rick

She looked at her screen, shocked, now she knew for sure, that he heard them yesterday and that he knows now, that she kept his daughter from him for 5 whole years; left even though she was pregnant with his baby.

I'll be there, Kate

Kate put her phone back into her pocket and continued studying her latest case file.

She waited a few minutes in front of the shop, starring through the window. He was sitting there, with his brown, perfect styled hair, his beautiful eyes, his black coat. He looked so... like him. Like the man she loved, the father of her beautiful daughter, who she left because she was afraid he would want her to abort the baby. The loving, caring man who couldn't hurt a fly, and she was afraid he would leave her if she had the baby? What kind of human would think that of him? Everybody knows he is a family man, who love kids and wants to be a dad. What the hell was going on in her mind that she didn't see it? That she was afraid of him dumping her because of a baby, because he would become a father.

After Kate took all her nerves together she finally opened the door and went to the booth where Castle was sitting.

"Hey" she said, sitting down in front of him.

"Hi." He said coldly. "So I believe you have to explain something to me don't you?" he was angry, Kate knew it, he had every right to be. (She kept his daughter from him for five years.)

"Rick-"her face was full of pain, full of sorry. "I-" she tried again but trailed of. Not able to get her voice to say something.

"You know what I don't get? What did I do that I not deserve to know about my daughter? What did I do to you? Did I hurt you or did I say something wrong? Why didn't you tell me, Kate?"

"Rick, I am sorry. I was scared, I didn't know what to do and... and-"

"She is my daughter, Kate. MY daughter , my own flesh and blood, how could you do this? Did you ever think about how I would feel about that? About having a daughter? Why the hell did you run away?" He was angry but hurt, he would have loved to have a family with her.

"Rick" tears streamed down her cheeks "I am so sorry, so sorry. I was scared you wouldn't want the baby. That you would hate me because I was so careless, that I became pregnant. I thought you would leave me, tell me you wouldn't want a baby because we were too young, that you couldn't take care of a, little, annoying, pooping baby." She didn't know what to say anymore, she was stupid, young and didn't know what she was doing. She felt so sorry for hurting him, for taking his daughter from him. God, she took her daughter's father from her.

The world was spinning in his eyes, tears streaming down his face. How could she think of him like that? How could that even come into her mind like that? What did he do that made her think of him like that? He didn't know what to say anymore. He was taken back by what she just told him. That she didn't trust him, that she thought of him like a monster who wouldn't love his baby

"What did I do that you think of me like a monster? Did I ever say I didn't want a baby, that I would leave you if you were pregnant? What make you think that?" He usually doesn't cry, but the thought that he made her think he was a monster hurt him so much that he couldn't stop the tears from running down his cheeks. He made the woman ,he loved so much, thinking he was a cold heart monster who wouldn't love his baby.

"You didn't do anything, you were perfect Rick. I don't know why I even thought that. You would have been an awesome father and I am so, so, so sorry that I ran away and took your baby from you. I am sorry, Rick." That were the last words she said to him that day. She ran out the door, the tears blocking her view, she ran on the street.

She only heard a loud "Quieck" and Rick yelled her name until she felt the cold, wet car hitting her left side. In the space of two seconds she was lying on the street, unconscious. 

AN: would be great if you left a review, thanks :)