The Chip Life
It had been my first day on the shelf when the abuse and neglect started. A little kid and his mom had walked down my aisle and I had grown excited. I'd been stocked up the night before and was the third bag in line. The first bag, Robbie, was taken by the mom and the kid. He waved goodbye as he was rolled away in that shiny grocery cart, accompanied by a jar of salsa.
It was early afternoon before Amanda, the second bag, was taken by an elderly man. I'd always had a crush on Amanda. We'd met in the shipment truck and had hit it off. I was hoping the elderly man would take us both, but he had other plans. Plans involving only one bag of chips: Amanda.
"I had sex with Derek!" I heard her scream to me as she was carried away. This tore at my heart. I had always known something was going on between them. The way they read each other's nutrition facts last night. It was sickening.
I felt tears form in my eyes as the man turned the corner and Amanda was carried away to the check-out line.
"Get it together, Jerry," I murmured to myself. "She was no good for you."
But still my heart was broken, despite the fact that I knew I was next in line to be picked. I was at the front of the shelf. Top dog.
But still, my heart ached.
It was nearly a half hour later when it happened.
The woman looked around twenty years old. She had all sorts of dip in her shopping cart, and was headed straight towards me.
"Bye, Jerry!" The other bags cheered behind me. But I could only make out one voice: Derek. That son of a chip had ruined my life. I hoped he got eaten by an old hag with dentures.
I took a deep breath as the girl reached out and grabbed me around the waist. She lifted me off the shelf and, just as she was about to place me in the cart, she stumbled. She caught herself, but it was too late. I flew towards the ground and I heard the collective gasps of the other bags as I hit the tiles.
I heard the crunching as my insides were shredded. It hurt. Almost as bad as when Amanda left me. Almost.
The girl picked me back up and placed me on the shelf.
"They're all broken now," she said to herself. She grabbed the next bag in line, and guess who it was? That's right: Derek.
He laughed at me as he got put in the cart and wheeled away.
"Broken loser!" He called as he disappeared into the Frozen Foods section.
Broken. Broken. Broken.
I felt the chips inside of me ache. Not from being smashed, but from being hurt emotionally. Broken.
Days passed. People would pick me up, take one look at me, and set me back down. They would then pick the next bag up and carry them away. Each time, I felt my heart break a little more and could hear Derek's words echo in my brain.
Broken. Broken. Broken.
It looked like my two week shelf life would seem like a whole lot longer.
By day eight, I was tired of it. Nearly all of the other bags had been taken, and the ones that were left wouldn't even look at me. I guess they heard my cries of grief in the night. Grief for Amanda. And for myself.
The next morning, day nine, I knew what I had to do. I had watched the janitor make his rounds at five o'clock every morning.
So, as the other bags slept, I watched the janitor weave through the aisles. I had one chance.
When he got to my aisle with his mop and bucket, I took a deep breath. It felt like that first day again, when I was supposed to be picked.
Anger suddenly took over me. Anger at Amanda for cheating on me. Anger at Derek for teasing me. Anger at the woman for dropping me. And, most of all, anger at myself. Why did I have to be so stupid as to think Amanda really loved me? Why have me, when she could have Derek? Why was I so stupid?
So as the janitor placed his bucket of water underneath our shelf and dipped his mop into it, I knew this was for the best.
A single tear ran down my plastic as I whispered my final words.
"I love you, Amanda."
I jumped, landing in the bucket of water. I immediately started to fill with water from a hole I had found a few days earlier.
I started to feel heavy as my chips got soggy. I bet I never tasted good anyways.
And no one will even miss me when I'm gone.
