Lost Thoughts

Lost

Everyone left him, I don't even have it in me to do that to him too. It's very ironic how he wanted all of this because he thought that everyone would be beside him, but once the journey started their chapter in his life ended. And now, now my broken man only has me. Can I even call him mine when he isn't the same person that I once knew? Most of the nights I stare at him and wonder where the man I fell in love with disappeared to? And who is this strange , broken man standing in front on me? Why do his eyes look so painful and why are his hugs so tight? I often wonder where we went wrong, but sometimes its not our fault. We just thought people's existence was permanent in our life, how naive of us.

I walked around the house in my night clothes, looking at the marble floor and remembering how we chose every little thing of this place thinking that we were building a home, a home that would always be our safe place. The house that once was filled with love and laughter is now empty, the house that was once a home is now just another building.
Finally settling on the stairs, I rubbed my temples angry at how I've let myself go back to that dark place, the place that once was filled with happy thoughts and optimistic thoughts on our future.
I have to stay strong, I have to be the one holding us together until the man I love comes back. Until the soul I fell in love with comes back to his body that leaves the house early and makes me wait for him until early hours of the morning. I'd always wait for him.
The sound of his keys snapped me out of my thoughts, finally.
The first thing I saw was his shadow, then his tall, broad figure. The frown that has been on his face for way too long is there again. He is still a body without a soul. I don't know why I keep expecting otherwise, I guess I'm one of those people that don't give up on the person that they love or I'm just too naive.
His eyes meet mine for a second, and I find my reason to fight for him again. After closing the door behind him, He starts walking to me, or actually walking to the stairs actually. I stand up somehow blocking his way, he doesn't look up. The man that once walked into this house and yelled like a maniac "honey, I'm home" is now quiet, very quiet and he doesn't even look me in the eye anymore.
I hold his chin, forcing him to look up. The sadness thats very visible in his eyes almost makes me break down in front of him, but I hold myself back. I have to stay strong, I have to be the one holding us together. I move my fingertips to his jawline, then cheekbones. He leans into my touch once my hand cups his cheek, I stand on my toes to reach his forehead where I leave a kiss, my lips lingering for a few seconds. "We'll get through this," I've assured him of this way too many times, every time someone left him and left me to pick up the broken pieces, every time he felt like it was the end. "Come to bed?" I ask him, whispering. Too scared of his rejection, being rejected never hurt me, until I experienced someone I love rejecting me. He didn't answer, So I turned around with his hand holding mine in a tight grip, and walked to our room.