I miss the old me. As cliché as that sounds, i really do, i miss how i was happy all the time; at least most of the time. I miss when i could ignore what people thought of me because I didn't care. I miss when i was happy being myself. I was happy being the way i was, the way i looked, the way my teeth looked, the way i talked, the way i smiled, i was genuinely and utterly happy. But all that changed in a split of a second.
I started to develop a self-hatred, it was something i couldn't control i just had to let it happen. I hate how i can't be happy because my family won't accept who i am, what i like, the people i like and the person i love so deeply. I know for a fact that if i tell them who i really am, they won't love me. They will look at me differently. They will see all my flaws, all that is wrong with me. I don't want to feel excluded by my own family. I don't want to feel excluded by life, if that makes any sense...
The majority of the time I'm just by myself, I don't have someone to talk with. Either way, no one is willing to listen, i can't tell someone what's in my head cause' no one is there to help me. I just feel so alone, i'm so afraid that i'll end like i feel now, alone. I feel so empty inside, the constant feeling of unhappiness and loneliness. I can't bear the pain, I can't keep feeling like this. Can't keep feeling this horrifying void, one day I might just snap, leave everything behind even if it includes my own life. I need to be relived of this pain i so constantly feel.
{ I'm not trying to be dramatic, it's just what's on my mind, I understand if you don't relate. But at least respect it. }
