Some Thoughts of a Demon

The dull blade

Ok u now what you can shut up. I get it i am cause him pain. I know i don't here it enough from everyone around me. I don't want to read about how i am failing as a girlfriend. No. I get it i failed again. Every Time i try i fail. I can't seem to love someone who is close to me with out causing them more pain than ever before. Ok people are right i am just a heartless whore. My family and friends are all right. I am not one to give or receive love from anyone. I get it ok. I am truely the monster i feared of becoming...ha becoming no. I always was the monster they speak of i just didn't know. I get that all i can do is hirt those who are close to me and i care about but do you think i like reading about it . Your the 34 th person that has talked to me about this. Its not fucking helping me. Ok i get told by everyone he wants to die amd he dosen't feel like he matters and i have tried over and over to prove my love but i don't know what love is ok. I don't. The only two guys i ever loved are gone. I never fully learned what love is. So i how am I supposed to give something i don't even have nor know what it is. "You just tie their hearts up until there dried out of love than u break there heart like that and walk away", "your just a whore" , "who know satan was a girl cause i am looking her." "Hmm i guess all the men of the world are just your slaves. You hell ridden demon" , "you have nothing to give to boys but pain, put ur self in there shoes and feel the pain, than. Kill your self, save a few hundred. Wait not million mens hearts".. Everymin these thing s that have been said to me circle through my head. They get worse and worse as time goes. The same point over and over. WELL GUESS WHAT , I GET IT OK I TREAT THOSE CLOSE TO ME LIKE SHIT AND I SHOULD DIE FOR IT. I GOT YOUR MESSAGE MORE THAN ENOUGH TIMES. I WANT TO TAKE BACK ALL THE PAIN I HAVE CAUSE INTO A KNIFE AND RUN IT MANY TIMES OVER MY NECK. OH WAIT I HAVE ALREADY DONE IT TO MY BACK.YOU HAPPY NOW, NO OK WELL THAN I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCKING LOVE. OK I GET IT. I give up on relationships of any type and at anytime. I hurt those close to me , and i shall soon know the pain they went through. I schall soon know what its like to be in pain.