My Life Without Him

Chapter 1

The next morning I was waked by the doorbell, as soon as I opened the door, everything came back as I saw her, the only person who would be as affected as I was.

"He is gone. He is gone and we can't do anything about it, and I feel useless, and sad, and I can't stop crying, and it's not fair. I miss him, I want him to come back but he won't, and that is just not fair," she said, starting with a mere whisper, but raising her voice as she went through her little speech. The last sentence came out as a cry, full of emotions, sadness, anger, but mostly melancholy.

But I couldn't talk, I hadn't talk since then, just some impossible to understand words in the middle of my cries, so I just stood there, until I couldn't do it by my own, so I just hugged her, or else I would fall, she returned the hug at the second and we just stayed there, probably looking like crazies, but I didn't care, he was gone, and both needed it.

Ana was my brother's girlfriend, they were together for three years, almost four, their an-niversary was going to be in six months, and next week, he was going to ask her the big ques-tion. But I guess now it would be impossible.

After standing there together, holding each other, I invited her in. We went into my room and sat in my bed, just looking around, thinking, remembering him. David, my brother, an angel.

She said the first words after fifteen minutes of silence.

"What are you going to do now?" she asked the question. The question that I had tried to avoid since yesterday, I tried to ignore it, but I knew that soon I would have to think about it.

I was sixteen, I had just finished my sophmore year in high school, I was now entering junior year, I live – lived– with my brother, who was in his third year of college, studding English literature. Now that he was gone, I only had one place to go, and as bad as I knew it was going to be, I knew I would have to, I would have to go back to live with my mother and his new husband, called Jack.

But obviously, that couldn't be it, of course not, I'm not that lucky, Jack has three children, two boys and a little girl, of six years, the other two were around my age.

"I guess I will have to go to live with her." I said plainly.

"At least you'll see more of Justin and Adam." She said trying to be optimistic, it was true though.

Justin and Adam were my two younger brothers, they lived with my mother, and even if I expended at least two weekends with them each month, it wasn't much, they lived all the other way across the state, so I couldn't see them as much as I would like to. That was the only good thing about all this, I thought.

"Yeah" I murmured.

We stayed silent again after that. She grabbed an arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to her in a one arm hug, I put my head in her shoulder and breezed deeply, there was something about Anna, she always smelled really nice, like flowers and her blonde hair of vanilla, which was even better, just like my favorite ice cream savor.

The doorbell ringed again, and neither of us made a move to stand up until it sounded again, this time for a few seconds more.

I stood up and walked to the door, as soon as I opened it I regretted it.

"Hi, honey" she said softly, her voice sweet as always, but her sweet spell hasn't work with me for a long time.

"Hello" I simply said. My mother and I's relationship wasn't a secret; everyone that knows me know that I hate her, the reason behind it, not so many people knew it.

But it was a moment of weakness, I was upset, or that is what I wanted to think when I let her in. Try to be nice, I ordered myself, yeah, I may hate her, but she was still my mother and I was going to live with her for a few years, so I may as well don't make it hell.