A Letter To My Best Friend

~

Here I am.
Talking about them.
Huh.
It's been a while. Two years.
Two years ago, today, my friend - my best friend - committed suicide.
They were under immense pressure, from parents, school - sick and tired of taking crap from everyone.
I still have great memories of them, though.
When we were fifteen, we wore purple morph suits and went busking in town. We sang all our favourite songs. They played ukulele, I played violin.
When we were fourteen, we went on tricycles through a race for life. We wore flamingo outfits and had a hell of a time. They had pink feathers in their hair for the next three days.
But my favourite is when we were thirteen. We went into town, watched a kids movie in the cinema and mocked every single part of it. They insisted on buying something for me, since I paid for food and tickets. We went into a crappy jewellery store, and bought matching BFF necklaces.
I haven't taken mine off since.
It has a ying yang pendant on it, with a black gem in the white part and a white gem in the black part. It's been four years since that, and the string it was on broke pretty soon. I put it onto another chain, and there it has remained ever since.
Every day since they died, I wore it. God, I miss them.
When they died, I couldn't handle it. I locked myself in my room for three days. I wouldn't eat anything, and I cried more than I ever have and ever will.
When I found strength enough to face the world, I wore that necklace everywhere. The first day I wore it in school, I got in some trouble. But I told my teacher exactly why I was wearing it, and she immediately told all the others never to bother me about it.
Every year I go to their grave. I take a white rose and a book for them. Maybe they read the books sometimes. I take them their favourite sweets, too. I sit down opposite them, and imagine conversations with them. I constantly wonder what they'd look like now. Sometimes I go to call them, then remember. Maybe they're here with me as I write this. I play music for them sometimes. I only ever wear one earphone, just in case their ghost wants to listen.
They make me want to climb higher. I always try my hardest at anything, just in case they're watching. I want to make them proud. They inspired me, they were so amazing when they were alive. They still are. They cared, and that was - is - the best thing about them. Whether I was sad about the most unimportant thing, they'd comfort me. Even if they couldn't be there in person, they'd text me.
The reason I wrote this, is to tell them I love them. They are my inspiration. They are the reason I am still here today. Sometimes, when I'm at my lowest points, I think that I hear them. It's probably nothing, probably just my imagination, but I get up, and tell myself I can do this. And I think that they are always with me, guiding me.
So, if you are reading this, I'll tell you one thing.
Your friends will mean the most to you when you are low, and make the most of them. They should still mean the most to you when you are on top of the world. When you become something great, think of your friends. Love true friends until the very end. Because they'll love you, and nothing hurts more than being forgotten.
And if you ever think you have no one, you always have someone. Someone, somewhere will look at you, think of you, and want to be your friend. Cherish any memories with friends and family. The memories will be your push to do the best you can, for them.
Love,
Me.