Angry Women

Disconnect

She could feel the warmth of his hands as if they were still on her.   How could such a brief union overpower her senses even now?  It was intoxicating.  This was better than any chemical and no-one could tell how high she was.  Even her boyfriend, Alex, could he tell? 

The thought of him finding out left her cold.  The thought of losing everything.  He can't possibly know.  Unless she goes too far.  Could she balance that?   The thought of his lips locking hers was enough to send her mind reeling.  What was it about this guy that made her head spin?   It wasn't like he was an upgrade on the current model.  Could she just use him and be done with it?  She wanted to find out.

In a dazzling ruby dress, Bella turned the corner, walking tall towards the bar.  There he was. Cool, laughing with his friends.   She caught his eye (or he caught hers), smiled and beckoned casually for her to join.  She'd long lost count of the number of cocktails she'd consumed by the time the rest of the crowd melted away and only the two of them were left at the bar.  She felt glamorous, sexy, available.  He teased her about how drunk she had been earlier.   She deflected it with humour, hoping he didn't notice how much that hurt her.  She didn't want him to think her a useless lush.   She had been building up her power all night, impressing the group with her humour and intelligence.  She needed to touch him again, she was tense with fear of what it might lead to.  He spoke,

"You know it's not like I don't want to be with you," and she felt an icicle grip her insides, "but it wouldn't be right...I mean, you're not available."  She felt hollow, like nothing about her had meaning, like he had not a clue who she was.

"It's got nothing to do with him," she countered, without hope, knowing that he'd already decided to put her boyfriend's consideration, someone whom he'd never even met, before hers.  Even after what he'd said on that first encounter, even after what they'd done.  She barely heard the rest of his words.  "I know, but it just wouldn't feel right."

"Well, I'd be leaving then," she snapped back, swiveling around on the bar stool, dropping off and with bag in hand, flew out the door to run to the nearest cab.  She could feel it, a great cracking inside, threatening to tear her apart.  The tears were welling, she was trembling.  As the cab pulled away, she sort to gain control of her body for even the short ride home, noticing only then a mutual friend regarding her with concern from the footpath.  How much had he seen?

Six months later and she'd given away everything.  She destroyed Alex by leaving him and confused her would-be lover by rejecting his late advances.  Imagine a world where you didn't need them, didn't need any of them.  So she did.