Regret

Our Future

"We can look forward to our future can't we?"

I went to walk back over to Roy, that was until Nick took a hold of my hand and turned me back around, he was looking right at me, his eyes, god his eyes i could get lost in them like i have done so many times before. I was bought out my thoughts by Nick stroking my hand softly with his thumb he looked at my engagement ring then back at me "hey, you can go and see Rob, get the monkey of your back and then, well then we can look forward to our future can't we?"

The future, our future, mine and Nick's. If it only it was that simple. i'd done the one thing i never wanted to do, i'd hurt in the worst possible way not that he knew/ worst thing was i knew he'd never hurt me.

"It's that simple is it?"

i turn back around to Roy i knew Nick was looking at me, staring so intensely, searching, searching for anything that would tell him what i meant by that, but i couldn't look at him if i did i think i'd cave and tell him of my betrayal, tell him what i'd done, how much i'd hurt him. I couldn't do that.

"I know you Carla, you're putting on a brave face, this will eat away at you i just wish i could be there to watch it happen." That's what Rob said, his words going round in my head i knew then that i had to tell Kate and Aiden it was better for them to know sooner rather than later, and Johnny, Daddy Dearest, well he wasn't going to say anything. I was greeted by Nick as i got out of the car, he's there of course he was, he always is. He had that look again, he was worried, worried that i was hurting and of course i was but this had to be done.

I walked into The Rovers, they were all there Aiden, Kate... Johnny. "I thought i might find you all in here, i need to talk to you" the look Johnny gave me told me he knew what i was about too do, but he'd had enough chances to come clean, this was going to hurt them of course, but it needed to be done.

"Last week, i found out that Johnny was my dad to"

None of them could believe it, of course they couldn't, i mean i still can't. "I'll be out there if you need me" that's what Nick said, he knew that i needed to do this on my own, but if i needed him he was right there, he always was. It all kicked off, i knew it would but i couldn't keep it a secret, secrets only cause more pain, i know that better than anyone. Johnny hadn't been there for 41 years i didn't need him then and i don't need him now.

I just wanted to go home home and be with Nick, My Nicky. He was my safety, the one that was always there no matter what happened or what i'd done, but first i needed to clear my head so i told Nick i'd meet him back at home so he kissed the top of my head and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like i love you and then left.

That's when i saw Robert, i couldn't bare to look at him i tried to get away but he wasn't having any of it, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back saying something about how we just need to pretend to get on, i couldn't pretend i didn't want to be anywhere near him, i'd cheated on Nick with him.

"It might of escaped your notice, but you're the one with everything to lose"

He was right saying that i had everything to lose and by everything i mean Nick, i couldn't lose him now not ever. "Because i could make life very difficult for you, if i wanted to." I had never seen this side of Robert before, but i didn't like it. I had to find a way to get past this because i couldn't lose Nick, i just couldn't.