Okay this might be a little disturbing. I'm warning you, but I wanted to share this because I wasn't bullied by my classmates. This is a different kind of bullying.
Hello, I'd like to share a personal story. My experience with bullying was mainly cyber bullying. It always hurt me when they'd tell me that I wasn't worth it. My self esteem was really basically because I was sexually harassed or molested. When I was seven everything started going bad. My grandfather died, and that's when "that" happened. He would always tell me that he would hurt my family if I ever told anyone. I didn't understand what was happening. I was only seven. It continued for four years.
During that time, I didn't say a word. I was scared. My parents were my everything, and so were my siblings. I wanted to keep them safe. Messing up my life was one of the prices of keeping them safe, but I was willing because they meant everything to me. I didn't want to lose them like I lost my granddad. After four years, I stopped leaving my house. I stayed shut in my room, not caring if I didn't eat. I didn't want it to happen anymore.
One day, with tears streaming down my face, I held a knife and cut my skin. The relief was wonderful. I had actually found something I could control. My physical pain. Everytime I cut, my thoughts weren't surrounded by those memories. So, I kept doing it. I did it for an entire year, and during that year I had nightmares about him. I dreamed that I was raped, and that scared me. I was scared to sleep because of that one nightmare. One day I was set on quitting the cutting, but he came back.
I remember how my breathing quickened and how my whole body stiffened. He rubbed my back and said "I miss you." I finally had enough. That night I couldn't sleep. I cried and sobbed because I didn't know what to do. I went to the kitchen and got a knife. I held the knife to my head, and my family came to mind. My mom was pregnant at the time with my little brother. If I had done it, he would have never had me. My mom would have gone into depression. My dad would drink. My brother would turn rebellious. My little sister would grow up without knowing my parent's love. All because of me. I dropped the knife and fell on my knees and cried. Then I ran.
After that, I didn't cut. I didn't try to commit suicide. My family was my motivation to quit. I have no idea where I'd be without them. I also thought of everyone who had it worse than me, and they were/are still trying to make something out of themselves. Why couldn't I? If they could move on, I certainly could. They were my inspiration, and I still look up to them. They're what keep me going besides my family.
My life was never easy, but I don't complain. The man that did me so much harm, I forgave. I let go of everything and inside of me I still have hope that he will become a better person. I have faith that he will.
People tell me that they've never met a happier girl than me, and it's because I let it go. I don't go to my past anymore. My past is my past, and that's where it stays. Living in the past, brings you much more harm, than anything else. You can't move on. You have to find your own key to unchain yourself from the past that caused you harm. Don't tie yourself to a past that isn't there anymore. Move on. Be happy. Let something be the reason you wake up every morning. Find something that makes you happy. LIVE. That shows how strong you are. Don't EVER look for a reason to bring yourself down because you ARE worth so much. Someone LOVES you. I love you, because everyone who has been bullied in any way is a warrior. When you find no reason to go on, try to find that little one reason. Because there will ALWAYS be a reason for you to keep trying.
-Anonymous
