Have you ever felt lonely even though you really weren't? Have you been so upset at even the smallest of things? Have you been so hard on yourself, that you'll just want to die yet you can't because you're too afraid? I take things very seriously, I act tough but I really am just pathetic, I try to ignore all the negative reactions people give me but I still take them as proof that I'm just a waste of space. As a child, I never got to interact with other children... I'm that one child who would stay home and play video games, that's why I never got to have friends in my neighborhood. At school however, I had to make friends to save myself from the awkwardness of my silence, I learned to trust, care and regret.. Those were just childhood classmates however... Middle school was tougher. During the time I was a teenager, I went to another bigger school and I was noticed for the first time in my life, though that didn't last long because my new acquaintances just got tired of me easily... That really bummed me out since I can't do anything about it and I don't want to be called salty even though it's true. However, I still had new friends, the ones that welcomed everyone and entertained one another, I got to be one of them... but I'm just one person added to their group, I wasn't a special guy... Even though I wanted to feel special for once. I am friends with them up to now, I keep my thoughts to myself since I never got to open with them earlier and I feel like it's too late now... I just get sad very often, the saddening part is they don't recognize that... Even though I'm trying in my ability to gain attention. It's like I'm not a guy because I get very sensitive at most stuff, Most boys will just take it or resort to violence but I wouldn't. I feel so alone in the world, I don't have people to open up to because I'm afraid that if they give me a solution or if they console me.. I wouldn't believe or listen to them because I need someone to relate to. Ever since we moved, I got farther from my other relatives. Even though I am not very close to them, I feel sad that I can't see them as much as previously... Even though I know they don't feel the same. When I want to be alone... I'll be alone... No one will ever care to ask me what's wrong... I keep everything to myself. I don't think there are others around me that I can relate to because they all seem content with themselves... I envy each and every one of them. I try hard to do my best in my studies but I don't understand why I can't keep up with the others.. Maybe I just am not gifted. When I don't feel down, I don't feel happy... Instead, I'll be in a idle, neutral mood. I'm still too young but I feel like I've lived forever... I have my own concept of life and it's not a positive one. Maybe to all of you... You won't care or you won't understand everything I've said above but it's what I feel inside... I'm stuck in an endless loop of harassing myself mentally. I make myself feel sad and bitter for no reason at all. I believe myself when I say I am just a waste of space.
