The First Time #JustWriteIt #Firsts

My First Secret (Chap.4)

It's been a month since Dylan asked me to be his boyfriend. Then I realized something...
I've never been so happy in my whole life.
It's unusual for me, you know, since I vowed never to like another boy.
Yeah, another.
There's a reason I vowed that. It's the only secret I have.
July 10th, I met a guy at a church camp that I went to. Brenton.
Yeah, Brenton was the sweetest guy I've ever met. We hung out constantly, and I realized that I was slowly falling for him.
I opened up to him, but it all fell apart.
Brenton asked me out after a romantic date, and I said yes.
The thing was, a relationship isn't what he wanted from me. He wanted sex.
He made a move on me in the second month of our relationship. He slipped his hands under my shirt and played with the clasp of my bra. I told him to stop and he got really mad.
He ignored me for a full week. Avoided me and everything. In a book, girls make it sound so sad. But, I realized, I could breath better.
I always thought he took my breath away, but no, I was choking.
He fed me comments about how sexy and cute and gorgeous I was, but I never felt beautiful when I was around him.
After that week, he was begging for forgiveness. I said I forgave him, but in reality, my heart never did.
It was a full year, our one year anniversary, I saw him in the bedroom, with a girl, legs wide open.
I ran away and the sad thing is, he never even followed me. My heart wasn't broken up, though.
I felt so relieved. But, I was broke. He broke my trust, he made me feel unloved, but I realized that my heart never swooned for him, only my brain and eyes.
So, when he knocked on my door, a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers in his hands, with a teddy bear, saying how sorry he was, I didn't slam the door like my brain told me to. I took the gifts, like my heart told me to, and then, I slammed the door.
My brain and heart make a pretty good team.
So, I ate the chocolates, dug a hole, a deep one, put the roses inside, then buried them alive, then, I went all Taylor-Swift-Mode and cut the bear's head off, along with the arms and legs, then I went to his house personally and set a box of cut up bear parts on his doorsteps, and rang the doorbell, with a note that said....
Dear Brenton,

I physically cannot say to you how much I hate you, but I can mentally call you whatever I want and mentally assault you however I want, but I can physically write a note to tell you that I never was affected by the words you said to me. I never felt beautiful to you. So, I wrote to tell you that I hope that one day you choke on the bullshit you tell your next girlfriend.

With no love because I fucking hate you,
Kalle.

Yep, that's what I wrote, and I'm proud. That day, I spent my time thinking.
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So, what do you think? Interesting or not? Like, comment, share. Enjoy, Kalle ;)