Welcome to hell

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(Pewds chat: abc)
(Jack's chat: abc)

"Welcome to hell, would you like a hand?"

"Ahh, sure! Thank you sir."

"This is my office. Have a seat."

"Do you know why you're here, mr McLaughlin?"

".. Because I killed my parents.... Killed myself.."

"Yeah, well, I'd kill my parents too, if they named me Sean"
(A/n: rude much)

"Where's all the brimstone and fire? Why am I not being tortured as we speak? Suffering for all eternity?"

"Huh, don't sound so desperate, kid. See, I'm currently in the process of having hell renovated. Everyone's off the hook right now. The only one suffering is me! Would you look at this place? It's a fricken mess! The gluttons and the lawyers are in the middle of what looks like a turf-war. The murderers have been hanging out with the network executives (that simply can't be a good influence on them)."

"The murderers or the network executives?"

"Either!"

"So what's gonna happen?"

"What's gonna happen is I'm gonna make you, an offer."

"Ohh, you mean like a deal with the devil?"

"I mean like a job offer. Oh come off it, McLaughlin, I already have your soul, what do you think, I'm gonna challenge you to a fiddling contest or something? Anyway, truth is, kiddo, you remind me of myself"

"Yourself? But you're-"

"Pewdiepie. Please, call me Pewdiepie."

"Well as long we're gonna be all 'buddy, buddy' about it, you can call me Jack"

"Alright, McLaughlin. Jack it is."
"Ok then let me just pull up your file. You know, you'd think being on a separate plain of existence and all would have something a bit more sophisticated than a file cabinet, but you'd be wrong.. SO, tell me Jack, how'd you get into the whole, killing people thing?"

"Well.. It's kinda personal.."

"I won't tell a soul"

"Well I mean it's.. It's a long story.."

" ohh I've got an eternity"

"Do you ever plan to stop responding in clever puns?"

"When this place freezes over- ah-ha! Found it."
"Now Jack, you know this position I'm about to offer you is kinda a big deal.
You'll be assigned to a human counterpart. It is your job to haunt."

"*gasp* 😀"

"Torment"

"Oooh 😄"

"Pester"

"Uhh😗"

"Aaaand be a general nuisance to this human, until eventually, he uh, y'know... Punches his own ticket. We may be under construction, but we still have a quota tha-"

"You mean I get to KILL people?"

"Nnnnnnnot exactly. You get to help people, kill themselves"

"Hmm. And if I decline your offer?"

".... You won't"

"Haah well, I can't argue with that"

"Your first assignment is in there. You work five days a week, 9 to 5 AND you get weekends off. SHE only gives Sunday's off, y'know and I'M the bad guy...."

*stares at photo*
"..."

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