Lights, Lola, Action

The Worst Memory

Lola sighed as she stared down at her laptop. It was 1:58 in the morning, and she wasn't just feeling the exhaustion, but she was showing it too. Ink-blue bags shadowed her hazel eyes, along with a smudge of mascara and eyeliner. She yawned, causing her her waterline to brim with tears. She blinked furiously, determined to finish editing her YouTube video (due to be uploaded tomorrow) before she fell asleep.
However, as she ran her fingers through her bright red curling hair, her worn out mind began to wander, and soon enough she was at the place she swore she would never go back to - her past. She though of that moment, when everything went in slow motion. She'd seem him, started to run - but she was too late. The bus came first.

It was a Saturday, the one day of the week that her boyfriend Blake could get off. They rarely met, and the decision of having a long distance relationship had been a hard one for them both. Blake was a looker - dark hair constantly in his grey eyes that lit up when he laughed and perfect pearly teeth, not to mention his heavenly body - the hard edges of his muscles, and his smooth tanned skin. Lola could always feel his heart race when she touched him, and it made her so happy, so, so happy. He'd easily won over her parents with his charm and protection over his girl - it wasn't fake, either. She remembered their heart-to-hearts at 2 AM, even when he had work the next day at 6 AM. She remembered him urging her to try YouTube, their laughs, their tears, their togetherness.
Lola had chosen the date. The time too. And the place. He was there early, back turned away from the road to keep himself from the icy wind, leather jacket wrapped tight around his broad shoulders and slim, well built waist. She remembered how she'd caught her breath when she saw him, finally able to breathe again, knowing he was hers and she was his. Realising he was okay and alive and not damaged. She was about to start running when something big and red came into the corner of her vision. The bus driver wasn't looking where he was going; in fact, he was yelling instructions to "Move down inside the bus." He'd only had one hand on the steering wheel, and as he swerved to get the bus into the section of bus stop, he hit Blake.
It all had happened so quickly that Lola's head had whirled - she didn't believe it. Thought she was dreaming. Mentally willed herself to wake up, by screaming inside her brain, and when that didn't work, she tried physically. Pinched herself. Went as far as biting herself.
Blake was unconscious, having hit his head against the hard paving stones, and there was blood trickling out of the large wound on his forehead. The people on the bus had already called the hospital and the police; Lola had crossed the road and crouched next to him, letting tears trickle down her cheeks, pale from the frosty Northern air. She felt the salt water freeze to her face, and she tried to let out words but they couldn't get past the large boulder lodged in her throat. Eventually, it kicked in, and she screamed, kicking at anyone who came near the only thing that had ever really been hers, only hers, forever. Or so she had thought. She began whispering to him in a trembling voice, "Blake. Come on, baby, please. Please. I need you. You can't leave me here." Her tone had been rising, and then she began to shout again. "HOW DARE YOU! You selfish, cow of human..." She realised what she was doing, and let out a sob that felt like she was swallowing millions or shards of glass. Somebody came towards her, crouched beside her, held her hand. She turned toward Blake, her head resting on the person'a shoulder, shaking and crying, forcing herself not to retch. She swallowed the bile that was flooding her mouth, the taste making her gag again, her eyes watering. She had travelled with him to the hospital, called his parents, called her own. They all arrived at around the same time, and were sitting in silence as they awaited the news. The tension made Lola want to vomit again, and she teared up. Her heart was thudding as if it would fall out, and she could imagine it, dropping to the floor with a splat. She imagined a nurse coming and scolding her, slotting her heart back into place, mopping the floor. And then a doctor appeared, a very stereotypical one, Lola noticed. He had a clipboard and glasses and a bald head with thin hair around a circle of shiny scalp. His glasses were tucked into his white lab coat's pocket, his pen behind his ear. "I'm so sorry. He only has a few hours to live. No surgery will be able to save him, as he is still in shock mode, and to operate would kill him. But he's conscious, and he'd like to say his goodbyes*." The doctor tired for a smile, but it was droopy and he looked agonised. All four parents were crying, hugging each other, but Lola just stood silently, her hands spasming. She felt as though she were about to faint as she gently pushed open the doors to his room and entered. He was silent, but his eyes, that were already glistening with unshed tears, lit up as they always did when he saw her. "Lola," he whispered in a hoarse voice, and a tear trickled down her cheek. "Blake," she managed before crumbling to the floor on her knees, her head in her hand, sobs wracking her body. She felt disgusted at herself - she wasn't even the one dying and she had collapsed in front of him. But she felt arms enclose her - Blake wasn't allowed out of bed. "Shh, baby. Lolly. Baby, I love you. I'll always love you. You are my world." He stroked her amber curls, murmuring these words to her until she was stable enough to get to her feet. She put him in bed, tucked him in as she always did when they were together, and clambered in next to him. "Blake, baby," she stammered, her face burning. "What is it, Lolly?"
She hid her face in his shirt. "This is all my fault. If I hadn't chosen the bloody bus stop, you wouldn't be dy-" she choked, a fresh stream of tears gushing from her eyes. He pulled her on top of him, soaking in her body heat. She felt his body, hugging him so tight she was scared she couldn't breathe. Then she loosened her grip slightly, and nestled her face in his shoulder and neck. "I love you, Blake. I love you so much and I can't lose you, and I don't know what to do without you, and my heart is burning away to ashes without you help help help help," She hadn't drawn in any breath and now she was gasping for air. "Baby, you'll be fine without me. Go on with your life. I'll look over you every day if I can, if that's how it works. Willingly. But I'll stop if you give up. If... If you commit suicide, or stop trying, or stop moving on in life I will stop watching over you, Lolly. Please. Find someone else."
"Blake, you don't understand! There's no one else I could ever want but you, no one, no one in the whole wide world."
There was a silence, a peaceful one, where they both thought about the life they could've had if Blake hadn't been caught up in an accident.
And out of the blue, he said, "I wonder what eternal sleep feels like."
Lola gently pushed off him, and walked over to the door. "Baby, I want to spend the rest of your hours with you, but your parents and my parents are waiting. They want to see you too." And with that she walked out of the door, head bowed to hide her tears. "Mrs Avick? Mr Avick? Mum? Dad? He's ready for you guys." She sat down on the waiting room chair, hoping they'd hurry up so she could see him again. After twenty minutes, she couldn't bear it any longer, so she stood and opened the door a crack. All they seemed to be doing was sitting on chairs, so she entered. All eyes went to her, but she said nothing, just climbed back into the bed with Blake. Her parents raised their eyebrows, but she couldn't care less. She snuggled into his muscly arm and listened to his gorgeous, silky voice, felt it vibrate through his chest and tingle her nerves. He protectively put an arm around her without noticing, absently being her guardian, as always. Lola loved him so much it was physically hurting her heart.
But he sounded so sleepy, so worn out and tired that she knew it was time. She couldn't to be selfish anymore, and it was time to fave his fate. She kissed him, stopping him mid-sentence, and got out of the bed, plumping his pillows am making him comfortable. "Mr and Mrs Avick, Mum and Dad, we need to let him rest. He's exhausted. Look." She took hold of his hand and clutched it, waiting for the others to leave before smothering his face with kisses, whispering, "I love you," between each one.
"I love you the most, my baby. I love you. I can't express it to you in any other ways. I love you." He leaned up and kissed her, and I was a long, desperate kiss, full of sadness and love and ending. When they finally broke away, she laid him back down, like when Prince Charming woke Aurora, but completely switched. "Lolly, baby, please check my jacket pockets when I'm... Gone." He said. And as tears started to pour down Lola's cheeks, he wiped them away with his callused hands. "Please don't cry, my darling. Just remember that I'll always, always love you, from up above, or down below." Then he took a deep breath in, exhaled; Lola felt he warm air blow her her out her face. Then as quickly as he'd usually fall asleep, he passed.
It was almost three hours of crying later that she remembered to check his jacket pockets. She ran over to get them, and, sitting on her bedroom floor, searched through them. Just his smell triggered tears, and she was sobbing as she roughly unzipped the leather. In one if the inside ones, she'd found a box. It was a small, navy blue, velvet one. And as she opened it, she collapsed.

She gasped as she broke out of her thoughts - unsurprisingly, her cheeks were wet. She clambered into pyjamas, not caring at all about editing anymore, and fell into a dreamless sleep as soon as her head hit her pillow. But her final thought was always whether Blake was watching over her.

She hadn't exactly moved on, but she had started YouTube, even had fifteen million subscribers. She hadn't found anybody new, but how could she if she knew that Blake was due to propose to her that night?

A/N
So hi, it's Sana (duh who else would it be).
I just wanted to say if you didn't get it, he was meant to propose to her but he died before he got the chance.
*I am not a doctor. I do not know if this is true or not, so don't believe it.
Okay, yes or no? Continue or... Not continue? Thanks for reading (if you did). Oh yeah! And if you didn't already guess, the picture at the top is of her.
Jolly old man is who I am!
Okay it's late and I'm hyper so byyyyyye!!!